Why Do They Hide Their Private Repos From Me

OH. MY. GOD. The ABSOLUTE PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE of code reviews! 💀 You pour your ENTIRE SOUL into a PR, and what do you get? Either a million "Overwhelmingly Positive" comments that make you question if they even READ your code, or that ONE devastating "Not Recommended" with ZERO explanation that haunts you for ETERNITY! And the SILENCE? That's the worst! Like, just TELL ME what's wrong with my beautiful 3 AM creation instead of leaving me to SPIRAL into self-doubt! Is it my variable naming? My architecture? MY ENTIRE CAREER CHOICE?! The duality of feedback is sending me to an early grave, I swear. 🪦

OH. MY. GOD. This coworker just committed a CRIME against humanity! They aliased git push to git push -f ?! That's like replacing someone's regular coffee with ROCKET FUEL! 💥 For the uninitiated, git push -f is the NUCLEAR OPTION of Git commands - it FORCES your changes to the remote repository, OBLITERATING any commits that might be there. Your team's carefully crafted code history? POOF! GONE! VANISHED! It's basically telling Git, "I don't CARE what's on the server, MY version is the truth now!" This is the digital equivalent of setting your workplace on fire because you're tired of the printer jamming. That branch isn't just toast - it's INCINERATED, CREMATED, and scattered to the winds! 🔥⚰️

THE AUDACITY! 😱 Reviewer demands assembly support for a PR, gets a two-word code review in return, and STILL merges the commit! This is the digital equivalent of being told "eat your vegetables" and responding by burning down the entire farm—then somehow still getting dessert! The 556 thumbs up vs 156 thumbs down ratio is basically the internet's standing ovation for this act of magnificent rebellion. Power move of the century! 💅

Ah, the perfect GitHub alibi! Luigi's contribution graph shows 0 contributions in 2024 but somehow managed 847 contributions on December 4th last year. That's not suspicious at all! Nothing says "I definitely wasn't committing a felony that day" like committing code 847 times in 24 hours. The classic programmer's defense: "Your Honor, I couldn't have done it—look at my GitHub activity! I was clearly too busy making meaningless commits to have time for murder."

Behold the sacred gender symbols of our time! Female? Simple. Male? Basic. But a PROGRAMMER ? Honey, that's a whole different species with arrows pointing in MULTIPLE directions simultaneously while juggling a USB stick! Because why commit to just ONE path when you can have 17 git branches, 42 browser tabs, and an existential crisis before lunch? The programmer gender doesn't just multitask—it multi-EXISTS in parallel universes where both solutions work and fail at the same time. Schrödinger's code, darling!

The emotional journey of a developer in four stages of despair: 1. Coding: "Yeah, I got this!" - Blissfully ignorant, thinking your code will work on the first try. 2. Debugging: "Wait, why is this happening?" - The slow realization that your beautiful code is actually a dumpster fire with a syntax error cherry on top. 3. Version Control: "WHO COMMITTED THIS MONSTROSITY?" - That moment you git blame only to discover it was you, three months ago. 4. DevOps: "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe..." - The thousand-yard stare of someone who's had to fix a production server at 2 AM while the CEO watches their Slack status.