When Someone Checks Your Branch

Brain: "Hey you goin' to sleep?" Dev: "Yes, now shut up" Brain: "You committed the API Keys to a public repo" Nothing jolts a developer from the edge of sleep like remembering they accidentally pushed sensitive credentials to GitHub. That moment when your brain reminds you that your AWS keys are now visible to every bot scraping public repos, and your company credit card is about to fund someone's crypto mining operation in Siberia. Sweet dreams!

Companies pretending they're protecting "intellectual property" when the real reason they won't open source their code is because it's a horrifying mess of spaghetti logic, hardcoded credentials, and comments like "// TODO: fix this before demo (2018)". The corporate PR spin: "Our proprietary algorithms give us competitive advantage!" The actual codebase: 47 nested if-statements and a function called hack_it_until_it_works() that somehow powers the entire billing system.

Ah, the unmistakable signature of a junior developer's code comments! That stop sign with the helpful clarification "THIS IS A STOP SIGN" perfectly captures the redundant commenting style that senior devs silently judge. It's like writing i++; // increments i by 1 or // The following function calculates the sum right above a function literally named calculateSum() . The code review gods weep silently as another obvious comment gets committed to the repo. Self-documenting code? Never heard of her.

The DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE between hearing "you're absolutely right" the first time versus the 985th time during code reviews! 😭 That top panel is the PURE JOY of your first accepted pull request - you're practically FLOATING on cloud nine! But that bottom panel? That's the soul-crushing deadness in your eyes after submitting your 985th fix and your senior dev STILL manages to find something wrong. "You're absolutely right!" you say through gritted teeth while secretly plotting to "accidentally" delete the entire codebase. The emotional journey from eager puppy to dead-inside zombie is just *chef's kiss* relatable.

Nothing like the sweet moment of realization that the code you're cursing was written by your past self. That special feeling when you open a project after a break and wonder what sleep-deprived maniac wrote those incomprehensible functions... only to check git blame and find your own name. The circle of developer life: write code, forget code, hate code, realize it was you all along. Future you is always judging present you, and they're not impressed.

That one developer who lurks silently in code reviews until they can suggest a complete rewrite. Nothing brings joy like suggesting nuclear options for trivial problems. "Oh, you found a small bug in the login form? Have you considered rebuilding the entire authentication system in Rust?" The Batman "Bonjour" perfectly captures that moment when you pop out of nowhere with the most unnecessarily dramatic solution possible. Classic senior developer move - fixing a paper cut with a chainsaw.