When Politics Tries To Git Involved

The code review terror is real. That moment when your PR meets the unforgiving gaze of a senior dev who's seen it all—including every mistake you're about to make. You're just huddled in the corner, clutching your keyboard, wondering if your variable naming conventions are about to trigger another 45-minute lecture on "the right way to code." Meanwhile, the senior dev looms like a terrifying mechanical overlord, ready to dismantle your self-esteem function by function. Six months of experience vs six years of accumulated cynicism isn't even a fair fight.

BEHOLD, the most DEVASTATING job application hack of our time! 💀 When employers demand "3 programming languages and 5 GitHub repos," they're clearly expecting groundbreaking innovations - not five variations of printing "Hello World" in different languages! The sheer AUDACITY of creating separate repositories for each "Hello World" program is both the most brilliant and most chaotic energy I've ever witnessed. Peak developer energy is creating an entire GitHub portfolio that collectively accomplishes exactly ONE thing. Technically meeting requirements while doing the absolute minimum? That's not laziness, that's EFFICIENCY!

Jumping into DevOps without Linux fundamentals is like trying to swallow those giant horse pills without water. Trust me, I've watched countless "Docker experts" crash and burn because they couldn't troubleshoot a basic shell script. The title "Also Git" is perfect - because Git is another one of those deceptively simple tools that will absolutely wreck your week when something goes wrong. Nothing quite like the cold sweat of a botched rebase on production code at 2AM. Been there, broken that.

The ultimate dev hypocrisy journey! 🤣 Starts with Patrick boldly declaring "I WON'T USE C#. MICROSOFT IS EVIL" while sitting comfortably in his armchair of moral superiority. But then... the slippery slope begins! First TypeScript (also by Microsoft), then VSCode (Microsoft again!), then GitHub Copilot (guess who? MICROSOFT!), followed by npm package manager, LinkedIn (yep, Microsoft owns that too), and finally surrendering completely to GitHub (100% Microsoft-owned). It's the perfect representation of that developer who swears they'll never touch Microsoft products but ends up completely surrounded by them anyway. The cognitive dissonance is REAL! We're all just SpongeBob pretending we have principles while swimming in Microsoft's ocean! 💀

The eternal battle between Microsoft's desperate pleas and Linux users' defiant independence is perfectly captured here. Microsoft is literally begging you not to download Chrome while simultaneously pushing Edge down your throat like an overeager parent with vegetables. Meanwhile, Linux users are treating Microsoft like an annoying insect - cracking their command-line whips and shooing away anything that doesn't respect their freedom to choose. The imagery of commanding Git with a bullwhip is just *chef's kiss* - because nothing says "I'm in control of my computing destiny" like manually compiling your kernel while laughing maniacally.

The absolute chad move of rewriting half the codebase and calling it "minor changes" before disappearing into the void. Nothing says "I'm the main character" like dropping a 4000-line bomb on your colleagues and then strutting away while they try to figure out what the hell just happened. The git commit history will remember your name long after you've gone home to enjoy your weekend.