Be Null My Friend

The eternal developer paradox: spending 8 hours debugging a complex authentication system but completely freezing up when faced with the green "Code" button on GitHub. The fear is real—do I clone? Download ZIP? Copy the URL? And what's this "gitmodules" thing? Meanwhile, StackOverflow is full of answers that assume you've already mastered this dark art. The silent shame of senior developers everywhere.

When your love story begins in a GitHub issue thread, you know you've found someone special. Daniel struck gold by finding a woman who can actually commit — a rare skill both in relationships and version control. Mickey's pun game is strong, but Jashan takes it to the next level with that branch warning. The ultimate developer relationship advice: maintain a clean commit history and never let anyone fork your significant other's repository. Relationship status: Successfully merged without conflicts.

GitHub Copilot silently judging your spaghetti code while simultaneously ingesting it for "training purposes." The awkward bat face is basically Copilot's internal reaction when it sees your proprietary algorithms and realizes they're worth exactly $0.00 on the black market. Turns out your paranoia about AI stealing company secrets was justified, but for all the wrong reasons.

BEHOLD, the most DEVASTATING job application hack of our time! 💀 When employers demand "3 programming languages and 5 GitHub repos," they're clearly expecting groundbreaking innovations - not five variations of printing "Hello World" in different languages! The sheer AUDACITY of creating separate repositories for each "Hello World" program is both the most brilliant and most chaotic energy I've ever witnessed. Peak developer energy is creating an entire GitHub portfolio that collectively accomplishes exactly ONE thing. Technically meeting requirements while doing the absolute minimum? That's not laziness, that's EFFICIENCY!

The evolution of README files is getting out of hand! Starting with the basic README.md for normies, then leveling up to README.txt for the slightly cooler devs. But wait—README.pdf?! That's for those documentation wizards who want their formatting PERFECT. And README.mp4? That's galaxy-brain territory for devs who explain their code with ACTUAL VIDEOS! But the final form—Morse code on a telegraph machine—that's for the absolute legends who communicate in ways even Git can't track! Your commit messages may be bad, but at least you're not sending them via telegraph... yet! 😂

The 2:34 AM text message that ruins your sleep cycle faster than a memory leak. Nothing says "professional workplace" like getting blasted for missing a meeting you weren't even invited to, followed by a critique of your commit messages that could've waited until business hours. The cherry on top? That passive-aggressive "YOLO" sign-off. Because nothing screams "I'm a reasonable team lead" like sending career threats via text message in the middle of the night and ending with 2010's most overused acronym. This is why developers keep their phones on silent and their resumes updated.