How Is It Going

The left side shows all the fancy modern game development tools - Unreal Engine, Unity, powerful programming languages, and sophisticated 3D modeling software. Meanwhile, on the right side, there's just "6502 Assembly" - the programming language from the 1970s used in ancient systems like the Atari and Commodore 64. It's like comparing Olympic shooters - the one on the left has access to every cutting-edge tool in game development, while the one on the right is basically coding on a calculator with a rusty nail. And yet somehow that Assembly programmer still ships games that people actually finish playing instead of waiting for 50GB day-one patches.

The AUDACITY of modern game devs! Back in the golden era, we had absolute LEGENDS writing entire rendering pipelines IN ASSEMBLY like some kind of coding demigods! Meanwhile, today's devs are just throwing 999 dynamic lights and a MILLION blades of grass into their games, then having the NERVE to wonder why their masterpiece runs at a pathetic 20FPS on a $1500 graphics card! But don't worry, sweetie! DLSS will magically fix your horrifically optimized code! Because who needs actual optimization when you can just let AI upscale your disaster?! The optimization apocalypse is upon us!

The road to shipping a game is like that curved road sign that never actually curves. You're cruising along thinking "just one more feature" and somehow that finished game is perpetually around a corner that doesn't exist. Feature creep is the GPS that keeps recalculating to "5 more years away." Meanwhile your deadline passed three energy drinks ago and your team is surviving on pizza and broken dreams.

Ah, the accidental genius of modern tech. Discord accidentally created the world's most efficient view bot by making everyone so angry about loot boxes that they're rage-watching the announcement trailer on repeat. Nothing drives engagement like pure, unbridled hatred! The irony is delicious - 156 million views from people saying "please don't do this thing." After two decades in this industry, I've learned that user outrage is the most reliable metric of all. Want engagement? Just announce something terrible.

Left: Game dev crying because Unity changed their pricing model and now they need a second mortgage to make a 2D platformer. Right: The bearded C++ developer who's been writing their own engine since 2003 and still hasn't released a game, but boy does that skybox rendering look crisp. It's the classic tradeoff - use a commercial engine and get destroyed by licensing fees, or build your own and get destroyed by feature creep. Either way, your game is never shipping.

The eternal struggle of developer-gamers everywhere! That moment when you finally carve out precious minutes from debugging production issues to play that RPG you bought six months ago—only to stare blankly at the controls wondering which button does what. This proposed "adults with busy lives" feature would be worth its weight in gold. Imagine not having to relearn an entire control scheme or remember where you left that quest item every time you manage to squeeze in some gaming between pull requests and sprint planning! Game developers, if you're reading this: implement this feature and take my money. My muscle memory for your game lasts approximately 3.5 days—roughly the same time it takes me to forget about that unhandled edge case I promised to fix.