He Is Too Good For Us

When you're out here living that Steam sale lifestyle while Gabe Newell's wallet is experiencing the exact opposite phenomenon. The man literally invented the platform that makes our wallets cry during summer and winter sales, watching his bank account grow by 90% while ours shrinks by the same percentage. It's like he discovered a law of thermodynamics specifically for digital game distribution: for every dollar saved by a gamer, ten dollars must be spent on games they'll never play. The dude's sitting there with sunglasses showing "-90%" knowing full well he's the reason thousands of developers can afford ramen AND the fancy instant noodles. Meanwhile, we're all adding games to our wishlist thinking "I'll wait for a sale" only to buy seventeen games at 90% off that we'll collectively play for 3 hours total. The economic vampire of gaming, except we're all willing victims queuing up for the next bite.