If Code Was In The Real World

Ah yes, the classic "programming languages are for humans" revelation that hits like a truck when you've been staring at assembly code for 12 hours straight. The bus driver's threat perfectly captures that senior dev energy when explaining to newbies why we need syntax highlighting, proper indentation, and comments. Meanwhile, somewhere a C++ developer is writing code that looks like someone headbutted the keyboard, muttering "it's perfectly readable" while their coworkers silently update their resumes.

Content PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS ALMOST NO STANDARD LIBRARY SOLUTION: THOUSANDS OF COMMUNITY -SUPPORTED LIBRARIES OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT HAS NO PACKAGING OR A LINKER TO TIE THESE PACKAGES TOGETHER PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT WON'T RUN OUTSIDE THE BROWSER SOLUTION: V8 PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS SINGLE -THREAD BY DESIGN SOLUTION: ASYNCHRONOUS PROGRAMMING, NODE. JS PROBLEM: CALLBACK HELL PROBLEM: PROTOTYPAL INHERITANCE IS PANTS -ON- HEAD STUPID THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. PROBLEM: WEB RESOURCES NEED TO BE MINIFIED AND ZIPPED FOR PERFORMANCE PROBLEM: THE DOM IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: CANVAS PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT IS TOO SLOW FOR VIDEO GAMES SOLUTION: USE AN ASSEMBLY- LIKE SUBSET OF JAVASCRIPT CALLED ASM.JS PROBLEM: ASM.JS IS BASICALLY UNWRITABLE 4 HUMANS. SOLUTION: COMPILE A BETTER LANGUAGE TO JAVASCRIPT (C, EMASCRIPT 2016, COFFEESCRIPT, JSX) SOLUTION: HUNDREDS OF COMMUNITY SUPPORTED BUILD TOOLS OF WILDLY VARYING QUALITY PROBLEM: GRUNT. SOLUTION: GULP PROBLEM: GULP PROBLEM: MACHINE GENERATED OUTPUT IS MORE DIFFICULT TO DEBUG PROBLEM: ASYNC IS STILL A NIGHTMARE, HUH? PROBLEM: BALLOONING PROJECT SIZE AND COMPLEXITY PROBLEM: JAVASCRIPT STILL DOESN'T DO EVERYTHING PROBLEM: OUTPUT RUNS VERY SLOWLY ON MOBILE DEVICES SOLUTION: ELECTRON, PHONEGAP, FIREFOXOS HOW IS DIGGING GOING TO GET US OUT OF THIS HOLE? WHERE I AM FROM, THE POINT OF DIGGING IS NOT FREEDOM FROM DIGGING

Content rwebdev uHairy-Mongoose3575 12h i.redd.it Ignoring me for a week, is this good enough? Please pay the developers to get the site running again :) 3449 321 1 Share

Content Is it time to bring CARS and GUNS into JavaScript? JavaScript has gone from a cute little scripting language to an unstoppable behemoth. But is it doing enough to attract the male audience? The marketing materials out there are all targeting women. Look at React's cute and curvy logo or Vue's pastel colors. And don't even get me started on Github's "octopus cat" logo. Clearly, something needs to be done to attract men. And what do men love? Cars and guns. But first, let's take a step back. Are men really better programmers? To put it bluntly, yes. There's a lot of debate on this topic, but the scientific evidence is

The eternal battle of complexity vs. simplicity in web development! On the left, we've got a modern "state-of-the-art" Next.js app with all its fancy LLMS assistance—probably 200MB of node_modules and 17 different build steps just to show "Hello World." Meanwhile, on the right, that dusty Perl CGI script from the 90s is still chugging along on some forgotten server, handling thousands of requests without breaking a sweat. Sure, the code might look like someone headbutted a keyboard, but it WORKS. And that's the punchline—both ultimately do the same thing, despite one being wrapped in layers of modern complexity. The old guard didn't have Stack Overflow or AI assistants—they had coffee, determination, and a manual. Built different indeed.

Content Ben Halpern bendhalpern Sometimes when I'm writing Javascript I want to throw up my hands and say "this is bullshit!" but I can never remember what "this" refers to