Do Not Deploy On Friday

Ah, the classic "push notification to production" disaster. Some poor intern at Dairy Queen just learned the hard way that there's no such thing as a test environment, only production environments you haven't broken yet. The best part is the corporate damage control: "Good news, the test worked!" Yeah, and now millions of people know your DevOps practices are about as solid as a melting Blizzard on a hot summer day. That smiley face emoji is the digital equivalent of nervous laughter while the senior devs frantically search Stack Overflow for "how to recall push notifications."

Nothing like that moment of pure terror when you realize you've created a literal tilde directory (~) in your project instead of referencing the home directory... and then proceed to run rm -rf ~/ to "fix" it. For the uninitiated: In Unix/Linux, the tilde (~) is shorthand for your home directory where all your personal files live. Running that delete command would nuke your entire home directory—years of work, configs, and those vacation photos you never backed up. Seven years of terminal experience and we're still one distracted moment away from digital armageddon. Just another Tuesday.

Ah, the ancient scrolls of IBM wisdom. Back when computers were the size of rooms and management actually understood their limitations. Fast forward to 2023: "Let's have the AI make all our business decisions!" Meanwhile, when something breaks, it's still the human's fault. Funny how we've gone from "computers shouldn't make decisions" to "the algorithm said we should fire 30% of staff, so..." I'm sure this sign is framed right next to the "THINK" posters in IBM's museum of ignored advice.

Ah yes, the sacred GitHub contribution chart—where quantity trumps quality. This person has 10,306 commits in a year, which is roughly 28 commits every single day . Either they're a coding superhuman or they've discovered the ancient art of git commit -m "fix typo" && git push automation. Recruiters see green squares and immediately think "coding genius" instead of "probable bot owner." The real skill here isn't programming—it's convincing people that updating README files 10,000 times is worth half a million dollars. And they say AI is coming for our jobs...

Task estimation in software development is basically just high-stakes gambling with your career. "Shouldn't take long" is the biggest lie in tech, right after "we value work-life balance." The range between "an hour and 11 months" perfectly captures that moment when you know the requirements are vague, the codebase is a nightmare, and three different managers are asking for status updates. Meanwhile, the product owner is already telling clients it'll be done by Friday. Pure fiction, just like those story points we assign in sprint planning.

Nothing says "I'm from a different era of computing" like sending a PDF of a printout instead of a Git repo link. That senior dev probably still has a drawer full of floppy disks "just in case." Next they'll tell you to compile it by feeding the paper into your CD drive and typing "make oldschool." The digital equivalent of getting directions via fax machine when you asked for GPS coordinates.