The Bug "Fix" That Wasn't

Content Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs don't work.. 20. That's weird. 19. It's never done that before. 18. It worked yesterday. 17. How is that possible? 16. It must be a hardware problem. 15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash? 14. There has to be something funky in your data 13. I haven't touched that module in weeks! 12. You must have the wrong version. 11. It's just some unlucky coincidence. 10. I can't test everything! 9. THIS can't be the source of THAT. 8. It works, but it hasn't been tested. 7. Somebody must have changed my code. 6. Did you check for a virus on your system? 5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel? 4. You can't use that version on your system. 3. Why do you want to do it that way? 2. Where were you when the program blew up? 1. It works on my machine.

When Stephen Toub (C# performance guru at Microsoft) drops another blog post about unsafe optimizations, and suddenly you're contemplating risking your production environment for that sweet, sweet 0.01% performance gain. The eternal struggle of every C# dev: stick with safe, boring code that works... or throw caution to the wind and go full unsafe pointer madness just to shave off a few microseconds. Because nothing says "I'm a real programmer" like crashing prod while trying to outsmart the compiler.

Content C DEV Who are you? SEGMENTATION FAULT (CORE DUMPED) CDEV Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down? imgfig.com

Oh. My. God. The AUDACITY of compiler warnings thinking they can tell ME what to do! 💅 Who cares if there's a potential null pointer dereference or an unused variable?! I'm running this code and nobody—NOBODY—is going to stop me! Compiler warnings are basically just suggestions written in dramatic red font to make you feel bad. The rest of the world has their little problems like "money" and "looks," but us programmers? We stare danger in the face and click "Run Anyway" like the unhinged rebels we are. Those 47 warnings? Just spicy confetti for my terminal!

Content Figure out your code Spend an hour solving a nonexistent error created by the way you're testing the code Write it neatly down Spend an hour solving a nonexistent error created by the way you're testing the code

Content You are the most up to date stable branch...but we do not grant you the rank of Master What? How can you do this? This is Outrageous. It's unfair. How can I be pushed to production and not be Master? Just fix the merge conflicts! Take a seat, young integration dev rev3WORKING Commit 820a5de22740 ProdrammerHumor.io