RTFM: The Forbidden Technique

The "knowledge transfer" session that happens when a developer gives their two weeks notice is basically just corporate theater. That frantic pointing at undocumented spaghetti code while trying to explain six years of technical debt in five meetings? Pure comedy gold. The best part is pretending anyone will remember any of it after you're gone. Spoiler alert: they won't. They'll just blame everything that breaks on "that guy who left" for the next three years.

The eternal paradox of software development: pushing bugs to future-you who's literally on vacation. It's that special kind of self-sabotage where you convince yourself that Friday-afternoon-you is making a brilliant decision by postponing that critical fix, completely forgetting that Monday-morning-you will be sipping margaritas on a beach somewhere. The git commit message should just read feat: added problem for nobody to solve .

Finally, someone who comments their code properly! The sacred ancient art of adding a copyright header twice in the same file. Nothing says "I'm a professional" like redundant legal protection from 1987. The second copyright notice is there just in case you missed the first one while doom-scrolling through 10,000 lines of legacy code at 3 AM. Security through repetition! Pro tip: For maximum job security, add a third copyright notice at the end of the file. That way, future developers will be too intimidated by your thoroughness to ever refactor your masterpiece.

The instant someone discovers you work with computers, their brain immediately jumps to "tech support wizard who can fix anything with a power button." The selective hearing kicks in - they start the question, you're already mentally disconnecting. Ten years of building complex systems and mastering three programming languages, but Aunt Karen still thinks your primary skill is resurrecting her 2007 inkjet printer that's been possessed by demons since Windows Vista. The modern programmer's defense mechanism: develop the ability to tune out any sentence that begins with "Hey, so you study computers right? Can you fix my-"

Content You are the reason for the bugs in your code COFFEE, YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND HMM, TOO DARK Bugs are inevitable during development PERFECT DO BAI Raph Comic

Ah, the eternal gap between perception and reality in CS. You casually mention you're studying computer science, and suddenly everyone thinks you're some digital demigod who can resurrect their 10-year-old laptop with a single touch. Meanwhile, the truth is you're just another soul staring blankly at a compiler error at 3am, questioning your life choices and wondering if the machine is actually sentient and personally hates you. The best part? After 15 years in the industry, I still get family calls about printer issues. No, Aunt Karen, my distributed systems expertise doesn't help me understand why your wireless printer only works on Tuesdays.