Refactoring: The Circular Saw Of Doom

Content Python Developer measuring out the location of a whitespace error, 2022 colorized

Content Self-driving Car Hits Robot Dog. JavaScript's NaN likely culprit. In a bizarre accident, a Tesla self-driving car hit a Boston Dynamics robot dog on a quiet suburban street. The car's driverless software is being blamed for the accident, as it failed to properly cast a string to a number, causing the car to believe the dog was a car from a competing manufacturer, which must be at all times engaged in a high- speed race to see who's best. We spoke to the car's manufacturer, who told us they are "working hard to fix the issue." "We should have migrated to TypeScript ages ago, but Bob from HR became a parent last summer and had been asking for a raise ever since," said the manufacturer. "We just couldn't justify the cost." "We never thought this would happen," they added. "NaN is, by definition, not a number, so we never thought it would be possible for nothing to cause something to happen. That's not the Christian way." The robot dog, for its part, was reportedly unharmed in the accident because its world-class Rust codebase makes it "virtually indestructible."

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Someone really, really wanted to make sure the player was dead before executing all those game-ending cleanup routines. Line 8 sets HP to -1, but then we get a beautiful cascade of nested if (HP==0) checks that will literally never execute. It's like building an entire mansion of death animations, sound effects, and instance destroys... and then locking the door and throwing away the key. The irony? They're checking for HP being exactly zero when they just set it to -1. So all those carefully crafted death sequences—stopping sounds, pausing boss music, spawning blood emitters, destroying boss items, playing death sounds, removing HP bars—are all sitting there in unreachable code purgatory. The player could be at -1 HP, technically dead, but the game's like "nah, you're good, keep playing." The "double check" here isn't defensive programming—it's defensive paranoia that accidentally created an immortality glitch. Should've been if (HP <= 0) or just removed that initial assignment. Classic GameMaker Studio moment right here.