POV: It's Friday

That perfect synchronicity of hitting deploy and immediately getting a notification is the universe's way of saying "you forgot something critical." It's like Murphy's Law of Deployment—your phone will only ring with an urgent issue the exact microsecond your finger leaves the deploy button. The code was perfect in dev, passed all tests, survived code review... but somehow you can feel that production is about to catch fire. Time to prepare your "working on a fix" message while frantically scanning logs!

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a BaseX setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PHP presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set("display errors" true); print('?yml version"1.0" encodina" TF.8" ?' "n"):?

Content Your first podcast will be awful Your first video will be awful Your first article will be awful Your first art will be awful Your first photo will be awful Your first game will be awful But your first code will be perfect. Zero bugs and a very clean code. It will be "Hello World"

Content Types of Headache Migraine Hypertension Stress No results for error on google

The eternal developer struggle captured in its purest form. You're drowning in buggy code while desperately pushing against the current with help from the holy trinity of survival: StackOverflow answers, random blog posts from the dawn of Web 2.0, and occasionally divine intervention. Meanwhile, your code is like that van – somehow still functioning despite being submerged in technical debt. The best part? We've all been that dog, just watching the chaos unfold while silently wondering how we got ourselves into this mess in the first place.

Left: an energetic, wide-eyed cat with a raised tail, ready for chaos. Right: the same cat, now dead inside, staring at a laptop like it contains all of life's disappointments. That's the perfect visualization of what happens when you transition from "I'm gonna write amazing code!" to "Fine, I'll test if this function returns null when I pass it an empty string for the 47th time." The soul-crushing reality of ensuring your code doesn't explode when some user inevitably types "null;DROP TABLE users;--" into the name field.