It Works On My Machine Actual

The medal doesn't say "1st Place" - it says "1 Place"! Someone clearly forgot to sanitize their inputs and the programmer's medal got hit with a classic SQL injection attack. That sneaky hacker turned "1st" into "0" by injecting code through the medal engraving system. Rookie security mistake that turned gold into a big fat zero. And the programmer is just standing there looking smug because they probably executed the attack themselves. Classic case of "it's not a bug, it's a feature!"

Content Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs don't work... 20. That's weird... 19. It's never done that before. 18. It worked yesterday. 17. How is that possible? 16. It must be a hardware problem. 15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash? 14. There has to be something funky in your data. 13. I haven't touched that module in weeks! 12. You must have the wrong version. 11. It's just some unlucky coincidence. 10. I can't test everything! 9. THIS can't be the source of THAT. 8. It works, but it hasn't been tested. 7. Somebody must have changed my code. 6. Did you check for a virus on your system? 5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel? 4. You can't use that version on your system. 3. Why do you want to do it that way? 2. Where were you when the program blew up? 1. It works on my machine.

Content Your first podcast will be awful Your first video will be awful Your first article will be awful Your first art will be awful Your first photo will be awful Your first game will be awful But your first code will be perfect. Zero bugs and a very clean code. It will be "Hello World"

Content AND REMEMBER: LAWFUL GOOD OK. START THE REIEASI LAWFUL NEUTRAL DON'T MAKE AN THE CLIENT'S LEAVEIT AS IT IS WE WILL CHARGE I AS A FEATURI LAWFUL EVIL I REPLACED THIS SAY WE MAKE NEUTRAL GOOD CHAOTIC GOOD ALL COLORS ARE DECLARED LIKE TEEM, ENES CANBE ANOw, we USeD THE WE'LL NEED 3 DAYS BUTH THE CLIENTT TRUE NEUTRAL CHAOTIC NEUTRAL ...ND THEY TOLD ME WE DECIDED TO STORE THEIR PASSWORDS FIND THE PROBLEN NEUTRAL EVIL CHAOTIC EVIL

OH. MY. GOD. The most BRUTALLY honest description of programming I've ever witnessed! 💀 When someone asks what you do and you hit them with "I tell computers to do things. Sometimes they listen" - it's the "sometimes" that absolutely SENDS ME. The sheer AUDACITY of these silicon-based divas refusing our commands after we've spent HOURS crafting the perfect instructions! Like, excuse me?! I wrote you a BEAUTIFUL algorithm and you have the NERVE to throw a runtime error? The relationship between programmer and computer is literally just us begging expensive calculators to cooperate while they randomly decide when to throw tantrums!

Ah yes, the mythical "real programmer" – that elusive creature who apparently codes everything from scratch using nothing but pure brain power and cosmic vibes. Meanwhile, in reality, the rest of us mortals are over here frantically Googling syntax, copying from Stack Overflow, and begging AI to fix our broken code at 3 AM. The gatekeeping is strong with this one! Next thing you'll tell me "real programmers" only code on punchcards while standing barefoot in the snow, uphill both ways.