If It Works, It Works

Content Programmer (noun.) A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way vou don't understand.

That moment when you realize Stack Overflow will never die because we're still copying and pasting the same answers from 2011. The annual developer survey is just a formality at this point—like checking if anyone's actually writing original code anymore. Spoiler alert: we're not. We're just finding increasingly creative ways to ask "how to center a div" without admitting we've asked it before.

Content NAS (OLD) Translation Guide What Progammers Sav What Progammers Mean Horrible hack Horrible hack that I didn't write Horrible hack that I wrote workaraound There are buas in vour code There are bugs in my code it has a few issues ODScure Someone else's code doesn't have comments call ocumen and My code doesn't have comments That's why it's an awesome It's my favorite language and it's really easy to lanquage do something in it You're thinking in the It's my favourite language and it's really hard wrong mindset to do something in it I can read this Perl script I wrote this Perl script I can't read this Perl script I didn't write this Perl script Bad structure Someone else's code is badly organised Complex structure Bug My code is badly organised The absence of a feature I like The absence of a feature I don't like Out of scope Clean solution It works and I understand it We need to rewrite it It works but I don't understand it emacs is better than vi vi is better than emacs It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war IMHO You are wrong Legacy code It works, but no one knows how XCquitESCESCC I don't know how to quit vi Suboptimal implementation The worst errors ever inflicted on humankind That can't be done It can be done, but it's boring and I don't want to do it No problem, people do this You might be the most idiotic person I've ever all the time. It's an easy fix. encountered Put that bug in the backlog with low priority Let's agree nobody ever mentions it again and ppl who do, will be shot These test environments are too brittle Works on my machine. Have you tried restarting it? Proof-of-Concept What I wrote Perfect solution How Sales Marketing are promoting it DEI

Ah, the infamous "Keith the Rat" - C++'s unofficial mascot that perfectly embodies memory management in the language. Just like Keith is missing a limb, your program is probably missing proper pointer cleanup. The joke satirizes C++'s reputation for being powerful yet dangerous - where one wrong move with pointers can blow your application's leg clean off. And much like this diseased rodent, legacy C++ codebases often carry the infections of technical debt that nobody wants to touch. The attribution to Richard Stallman adds an extra layer of programming in-joke, as he's the GNU/free software crusader who would absolutely hate being associated with this monstrosity. Memory leaks, undefined behavior, and segmentation faults send their regards!

Ah, the GitHub language breakdown for side projects – where BASIC somehow makes up 11.1% of your codebase despite not touching it since 1997. Let's not forget the 9% Beef (a real language, but probably just your angry comments), 6.5% Rust because you watched that one YouTube tutorial, whatever "मादरचोद" is (probably what you shouted at 3 AM when nothing compiled), C89 from that algorithm you copy-pasted, and Albanian because... why not? The remaining 56.3% is just unclassified Stack Overflow snippets you're hoping nobody notices. Side projects: where programming languages go to either die or reproduce uncontrollably.

Ah, the ancient IT support psychological warfare technique! Instead of embarrassing users with the classic "is it plugged in?" question (which it never is), this genius IT veteran gives them a dignified escape route. "Unplug the cable, blow on it dramatically like it's a Nintendo cartridge from 1992, and plug it back in." Pure brilliance! The user gets to pretend they're performing critical maintenance rather than admitting they never plugged the damn thing in to begin with. It's the tech support equivalent of letting someone "find" their glasses on top of their own head. Kindness through deception - the cornerstone of all healthy IT-user relationships!