I Just Need Coffee

Content high tier govt tech scholar - got cucked by government getting him to sign life away at 18 -friends back in the bay are getting 500k TC minimum while he gets the satisfaction of serving the singapore public -"ust 6 more vears and I can quit and do what i really want to do. (somenow usualls consulting or 1B! not so high tier govt tech scholar - boss is a dumbass that doesn't know anything about tech - has to find 800 differ- ent ways to politely tell him that you can't just blockchain the army - "i should have just taken loan" kernel wizard - learned how to use the dark magicks of IRC and mailing lists "'woman'? is that a linux package?" - "dont ask to ask just ask" "RTFM" "UMGTEY" buildoor - half the internet runs off librar- ies he writes -doesn't charge a single cent or throw a hissy fit or 10020 mat ware to wipe russian servers "i just wanna BUILD for gods sake" tech policy middle management - unable to communicate without using buzzwords and vague ideals "whole of govt approach to singapore's Smart Nation project, for a VUCA world -said approach is out- sourcing everything and doing just enough to fill KPI civil service "infocomm specialist" - 0 ambition, but content with iron rice bowl - bonus makes all the red-tape wran- gling worth it - pretty cozy life ngl opensource "contributor" - S github profile grade with 40 other profile README badges - 5890 commits in the past year - "add files via upload" - "update READ- ME.md" - fixed typo in tensor- flow docs, now Soft- ware Engineer at Google on Linkedin gigabrained wee - gives 0 shits, linkedin pfp is a cat- girl, github pfp is cropped hentai - author sole maintainer of criti- cal high perfor- - mance math library - terence tao level gigabrain, but uses it to debate waifus on lal project manager - SixtyNine Sigma Rainbow Belt with 800 agile cummaster certs - "guys we should try this new productivity tool i think it's quite (good!" - "let's sync up on this! - "let me touch base on this with you" 996er -grinded entire college life for a job that pays enough to rent a place where you only have to commute for 4 hours -transferred to the sg branch just to teach the quo- ta-filling local graduates how to use CICD SME slave -getting paid less than a fucking intern at a big tech company can't bring myself to dunk on this dude brun working for an SME is the biggest dunk already -get out of there NPC. i believe in you. freelance webdev - has the "freedom" of dealing with dumb clients who don't know what they want - spends more time keeping up with new js frameworks than with his friends "I think it would be better if you could make the button "pop" more." WFH remote abuser - has 5 different full-time jobs - starts work at 9am, wakes up at 2pm - does fuck all for 2 months. earns 2 months worth of pay. deis tred gels a new WALKATA MANGA wagie -getting paid too much to write CRUD apps to consider quitting -almost fired for not referring to the drone strike Al by its proper pronouns swear ill quit one day and start my own startup!!!' "founder" -never shuts up about musk or thiel, proba oly knows the exact shade of their butthol how i went from 0 to 20 ARF (169)!!" spends more time reading insight porn than actually building MyTekco HFT sellout - spent entire 4 years in uni doing nothing but leetcode - no bitches, no friends, no memo- ries, only leetcode Mason missing ou on all those fun trips. all ine time you gave uo, us so you could ored orma interview -at least you're rich enough tc afford therapy now

Oh. My. GOD. The sheer ARISTOCRACY of C++ developers thinking that 100 nanoseconds is something to brag about! 💅 Honey, that's 0.0000001 seconds. You can't even BLINK that fast, yet here they are strutting around like Victorian nobility who just optimized the queen's favorite algorithm. The AUDACITY! Meanwhile, JavaScript developers are just happy if their website loads before the heat death of the universe. And Python folks? They're over in the corner eating cake with readable code that runs sometime this century. But C++ royalty must have their nanosecond optimization parties. *dramatic hair flip*

When your weight variable hits zero and keeps decreasing, you don't disappear—you just wrap around to the maximum value! This is the programmer's version of weight loss where integer underflow turns you from a skinny stick figure into a buff dude instantly. No gym required, just exploit the data type limitations. It's basically the same hack that made Pac-Man playable after level 255. The thin person panicking about being "erased from existence" clearly never implemented proper boundary checks!

The glorious devolution of programmers in one perfect meme! Back in the day, developers were apparently coding demigods who wrote flawless code without AI assistance, built entire games in Assembly (because apparently pain was recreational), crafted mission-critical code for literal rocket science, and fixed memory leaks by manipulating pointers like digital surgeons. Fast forward to today's reality: we're all just brain-melted zombies Googling how to center divs, begging ChatGPT to fix our syntax errors, getting permanently trapped in Vim like it's some kind of developer purgatory, and introducing three new bugs while fixing one. The perfect representation of how we've gone from programming titans to helpless tech gremlins dependent on Stack Overflow life support. The most painful part? This is exactly the kind of self-deprecating humor we all share on LinkedIn while pretending we're still the "Devs Then" in our job applications.

The PHP installation process from the official website is basically a dark ritual requiring blood sacrifice and ancient incantations. Meanwhile, PPA Ondrej is the unsung hero who created a repository where you can just type apt-get install and get on with your life instead of deciphering cryptic documentation that seems deliberately written to make you question your career choices. The contrast between the official way and the "thank god someone fixed this" way perfectly captures the everyday pain of dev tooling that should be simple but never is.

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