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Content ASKING AIRCRAFT DESIGNERS ABOUT AIRPLANE SAFETY: NOTHING IS EVER FOOLPROOF, BUT MODERN AIRLINERS ARE INCREDIBLY RESILIENT. FLYING IS THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL. ASKING BUILDING ENGINEERS ABOUT ELEVATOR SAFETY: ELEVATORS ARE PROTECTED BY MULTIPLE TRIED-AND-TESTED FAILSAFE MECHANISMS. THEY'RE NEARLY INCAPABLE OF FALLING. ASKING SOFTWARE ENGINEERS ABOUT COMPUTERIZED VOTING: THAT'S TERRIFYING. WAIT, REALLY? DON'T TRUST VOTING SOFTWARE AND DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU ITS SAFE. WHY? I DON'T QUITE KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS, BUT OUR ENTIRE FIELD IS BAD AT WHAT WE DO, AND IF YOU RELY ON US, EVERYONE WILL DIE. THEY SAY THEY'VE FIXED IT WITH SOMETHING CALLED "BLOCKCHAIN" AAAAA!!! WHATEVER THEY SOLD YOU, DON'T TOUCH IT. BURY IT IN THE DESERT.' WEAR GLOVES.

Content What we say What we mean Horrible hack Horrible hack that I didn't write Temporary workaround Horrible hack that I wrote It's broken There are bugs in your code It has a few issues There are bugs in my code Obscure Someone else's code doesn't have comments Self-documenting My code doesn't have comments That's why it's an awesome language It's my favorite language and it's really easy to do something in it. You're thinking in the wrong mindset It's my favorite language and it's really hard to do something in it. I can read this Perl script I wrote this Perl script I can't read this Perl script I didn't write this Perl script Bad structure Someone else's code is badly organized Complex structure My code is badly organized Bug The absence of a feature I like Out of scope The absence of a feature I don't like Clean solution It works and I understand it We need to rewrite it It works but I don't understand it emacs is better than vi it's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war vi is better than emacs It's too peaceful here, let's start a flame war IMHO You are wrong Legacy code It works, but no one knows how XCquitVESCESCC I don't know how to quit vi

The eternal gang war of programming: res vs ans ! Variable naming conventions that split the coding community faster than tabs vs spaces. One side lazily abbreviates "result" while the other prefers "answer" - both equally useless when you revisit your code six months later wondering what the heck these variables actually store. The true neutral programmers just use x for everything and let chaos reign.

Content CAUGHT A NASTY BUG IN SURE! PYTHON SYNTAX IS MY MATCH CASE, WANNA SEE IT? SOMETIMES TRIPPY, LET'S T-

Content ankit WtFawwk starts typing a new line of code IDE: what is that? what are you writing? tell me right now! wtf? that's not right! is that even rea.. completes the line IDE: oh lol nvm. 9:26 PM - 08 Jun 20 Twitter for Android

The duality of programming languages in their natural habitat: Java developers live in two states: complete confusion and smug pretentiousness. "What the hell is this code" meets "It's a StrategyManagerFactory" with zero middle ground. The naming conventions alone require a PhD in verbosity. Meanwhile, C++ developers have achieved enlightenment through suffering. Both sides of the brain have united in the brotherhood of bewilderment. The left guy asks what the hell is happening, and the right guy—instead of pretending to understand—simply admits the universal truth of programming: absolutely nobody knows what's going on. The real joke? We're all getting paid to write code nobody understands. Pure genius.