Blackout Poetry: Developer Edition

The four stages of programmer self-image vs reality: Non-techies think we're hardware wizards fixing computers with screwdrivers. Parents imagine us as rocket scientist geniuses inventing the next NASA breakthrough. Meanwhile, we picture ourselves as brilliant algorithm architects solving complex mathematical problems that would make Einstein sweat. The brutal truth? We're just professional Googlers typing "How to use dates in JavaScript" for the 47th time this week because nobody—and I mean nobody —remembers that godforsaken API without looking it up.

The perfect metaphor for "vibe coding" doesn't exi— For the uninitiated, "vibe coding" is when your code works but you have absolutely no idea why. Just like the protagonist in Bedazzled who gets his wishes granted with catastrophic unintended consequences, your code technically does what you asked... but at what cost? That look of existential dread on his face is the same one you make at 3AM when your hacky solution works in production and now you're terrified to ever touch it again. The snake? That's the technical debt coiling around your neck.

Content STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed C is a LETTER, not a language Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE Look at what PROGRAMMERS have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS): FUNNY COLORED LETTERS 178 COMPILATION ERRORS??2?? A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGHT IN DOING while(true) print(money); THEY PLAYED US FOR ABSOLUTE FOOLS

THE AUDACITY of clients to praise you for delivering on time when your code is literally held together with duct tape and prayers! 💀 That awkward handshake moment when they're all "thank you for your professionalism" while you're internally SCREAMING because 30% of your buttons are just sitting there, utterly useless, dumping their sad little lives into the console.log void. But hey, the client doesn't need to know that half your code is just digital confetti waiting to explode at the slightest provocation! Ship it and pray no one clicks the wrong thing!

Content 26 27 let flag: Booleanish 28 29 30 31 A Error (TS3322) Type Booleanish is always false 32 A Error (TS6633) 7 33 34 Type Booleanish is always true . 35 36 View Problem (AltF8) Quick Fix... (Ctri.) 37 if (flag) 38 39 40

The classic security vs. speed dilemma, now with extra "vibe" energy! This senior engineer discovered that permission checks were blocking users, so the galaxy brain solution? Just nuke the entire security layer! Nothing says "ship it fast" like making your database rules "more permissive for now" (narrator: it stayed that way forever). The -7 deletions in the commit diff are probably all those pesky security checks that were just cramping everyone's style. Who needs data protection when you've got vibes ?