Captain Obvious: The Code Commenter

Content When I took up my CS degree, they said I can't get laid Jokes on them I just got laid off (this is a cry for help I need to feed my family) ProdrammerHumor.io

The pinnacle of security expertise—someone answering "What screams 'I'm insecure'?" with just "http://" instead of the vastly superior "https://". It's like showing up to a security conference without a password manager and 37 browser extensions that block JavaScript. That lone protocol sitting there, naked and vulnerable, practically begging to have its packets sniffed by anyone with basic networking knowledge. The internet equivalent of leaving your front door not just unlocked, but completely removed from its hinges.

Content Haskell programmers when their doctor prescribes them meds (they have side effects)

Content APPLE APPLE APPLE We don't want PWA to be good so we can sell apps The EU Forces us to allow 3rd party browsers Let us block PWA System-Wide APPLE Let us make the PWA experience on safari crap APPLE The EU Forces us to allow 3rd party browsers APPLE "It's for the good of the consumer"

Marketing team: "Our app is privacy-focused!" Developer who actually looked at the code: *shocked cat face* Turns out their "privacy-focused" approach is just storing everything locally with zero encryption—basically the digital equivalent of writing your passwords on a Post-it and calling it "secure" because you didn't post it on Twitter. It's not a feature, it's a shortcut that accidentally became their entire security model!

Listen, when someone questions why you use i and j for loop counters, there's only one valid response: IT'S THE LAW. It's like asking why we drink coffee or hate meetings that could've been emails. Some traditions in programming aren't meant to be questioned—they're sacred knowledge passed down from the ancient CS gods. Using foo and bar as placeholder names, tabs vs spaces, and i , j , k for nested loops... these are the unwritten commandments that separate the true believers from the heretics. Sure, you could use descriptive variable names like index or counter , but then your fellow devs might think you're some kind of revolutionary anarchist. And nobody wants that kind of reputation in the office.