Excel Is My Database

Content anthraxlobster Free worldbuilding idea: Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all. "Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don't trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes." Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston's Divine Circle of Teleportation. There's some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It's way safer." "I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? 'Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles'? That's just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don't even interact with each other." "I've been looking at this scroll all morning and I'm 90 sure that the scribe didn't even look at the standard for pyromancies." digitaldiscipline "Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?" indistinct vocals "Dave, l've seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support." purewriting "I can't get this fucking spell to work, Jane, can you look it?" passes a scroll a few moments of silence "I think you missed a bookend rune right here-" "GODS DAMN IT! IT'S ALWAYS SHIT LIKE THAT! THANK YOU!" angrily scribbles on parchment (It takes five more aggravatingly tiny adjustments before the spell works) crazy-pages don't play wizards anymore because they're too much like my day job. drackir Instead of a orb the wizard has a little statue of a duck he tells his spells to and then swears when he spots the obvious mistake. beachfox You beat me to it! I was going to add that the reason why wizards and witches always have familiars around is so they can Rubber Duck at them until they realize what the mistake with their spell is! Outsiders get it wrong and figure the familiars are somehow teaching spells to their owners, but no. It's just explaining to Firewing what you're trying to do with this teleportation matrix until you realize that you've been using telepathy crystals to power it the whole time like a FUCKING IDIOT! 53,471 notes g ProdrammerHumor.io

Ah yes, nothing says "we value your financial security" like a bank sending you a null reference instead of your actual card. Apparently the financial sector runs on the same code quality as my weekend projects. Good news though - they're tracking that void pointer all the way to your mailbox. Can't wait to withdraw exactly zero dollars from my account.

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Content I'M READY FOR THE REVIEW, MR. ELON 62,500 Punched Cards - containing a mere 5 Megabytes of Code.

The sweet, sweet embrace of relational databases after spending months in NoSQL hell. You swore MongoDB was the future, but now you're crawling back to PostgreSQL like a desperate ex. "Please take me back, I promise I'll normalize my tables this time." Nothing says "I've grown as a person" quite like appreciating foreign key constraints after trying to manually join documents across collections. The NoSQL hangover is real.

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