Big Data: The Emperor's New Clothes

Ah, Santa's gone full DBA this year! The perfect ugly Christmas sweater for that database admin who spends December filtering out the naughty list. Instead of checking it twice, Santa's running SELECT * FROM contacts WHERE behavior = 'nice' and sorting that table twice for good measure. The "SQL Clause is coming to town" pun is the kind of dad joke that makes junior devs roll their eyes while secretly wanting the sweater for themselves. Just pray Santa's database is properly indexed, or those good children might not get their presents until February.

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Starting as a Database Administrator is all sunshine and confidence. "I'll optimize these queries! I'll normalize these tables!" Fast forward a few months of 3 AM production crashes, inexplicable deadlocks, and executives asking why the database is "slow" when they're running SELECT * on 50 million rows... That majestic fox turns into a taxidermied nightmare with thousand-yard stare that's seen things no DBA should see. The database might be running fine, but your soul? That's been DROP TABLE'd without a backup.

Ah, the classic baby shape sorter toy, but make it database . When your data architecture strategy is literally "if it fits, it ships." Junior devs looking at their PostgreSQL database like it's some magical black hole where any data structure can and should go. Who needs schema validation when you have determination and a hammer? PostgreSQL: Technically versatile enough to store your hopes, dreams, and that JSON blob you were too lazy to normalize.

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Content Storing JSON in a SQL Database