The Bell Curve Of DevOps Enlightenment

SWEET MOTHER OF CHAOS! First day at AWS and this absolute MADLAD just casually mentions fixing a "small bug" in DynamoDB clustering and PUSHING IT TO PRODUCTION?! 💀 Then saunters off for coffee like they didn't just potentially set fire to Amazon's entire database infrastructure! That casual "will check back if everything is working" is sending me into orbit! This is the digital equivalent of saying "I noticed the nuclear reactor was making a funny noise so I hit it with a wrench" and then going for lunch. Somewhere, a senior developer is having heart palpitations while frantically rolling back changes!

Death (DNS) is knocking on GCP's door after already claiming AWS and Azure as victims. When your cloud provider's DNS goes down, everything goes down with it. Three major outages in recent memory, and engineers everywhere are just waiting for the GCP massacre to complete the unholy trinity. Nothing like watching your entire infrastructure implode because someone fat-fingered a DNS config change that propagated globally in seconds. Hope you've got a good incident response template ready!

When your cloud budget runs dry but your boss still wants that serverless architecture... Behold! The pinnacle of innovation: "AWS Cloud" written with a Sharpie on a CD. The "offline version" is just *chef's kiss*. Remember when we thought the cloud was just someone else's computer? Turns out it can also be your own dusty CD-ROM from 2003. Next up: "Kubernetes Cluster" written on a stack of floppy disks. Por fin indeed! 🙏

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Content Giulio Carrara 3rd Software Engineer 1d Dear recruiters, if you are looking for: - Java, Python, PHP - React, Angular - PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB - AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS - nix system administration - Git and CI with TDD - Docker, Kubernetes That's not a Full Stack Developer. That's an entire IT department. Yours truly 0 8,801 391 comments

You know a system is overengineered when "just authenticate" requires a flowchart that looks like a Rube Goldberg machine designed by someone who hates humanity. Normal auth: hand over credentials, get token, done. Simple. Elegant. Works. AWS IAM: Create a user. No wait, create a policy first. Actually, create a role. Now assume that role. But first, authenticate with an assumed role. Oh, and calculate a quadruple-nested HMAC signature using AWS4, your secret key, a timestamp that better be formatted EXACTLY right (good luck with timezones), the region, the service name, and probably your firstborn's social security number. Then pray you didn't mess up the date format because AWS will reject your request with a cryptic error message at 3 AM. Fun fact: AWS Signature Version 4 requires you to create a "canonical request" by hashing your request, then create a "string to sign" by hashing that hash, then calculate the signature by... you guessed it, more hashing. It's hashes all the way down. Security through obscurity? Nah, security through making developers cry. IAM stands for "I Absolutely Miserable" at this point.