Old Man Yells At AWS

When AWS sends you a bill for $14.74 from four years ago, you become the silent resistance fighter. While everyone's making grand gestures canceling Prime accounts over Amazon's latest controversy, you're quietly fighting the system by "forgetting" to pay that ancient cloud hosting bill for your abandoned side project. It's not tax evasion, it's a principled stand against corporate memory! The AWS debt collectors can pry that $14.74 from your cold, dead keyboard.

Finally found the data center where my AWS instances are running. Turns out "elastic compute cloud" is just cotton balls on shelves. No wonder my database queries are taking forever - they're being processed by literal fluff. At least their disaster recovery plan is solid: a spray bottle and a fan.

Behold! The MYTHICAL CREATURE known as the "entry-level developer" according to job listings! 🙄 You want to break into tech? HONEY, PLEASE! First, master 17 programming languages, 3 cloud platforms, every database known to mankind, and while you're at it, BUILD AN OPERATING SYSTEM FROM SCRATCH! The audacity of HR expecting you to wear a "Full Stack Developer" hoodie while carrying a "@SeniorDeveloper" bag and being SURROUNDED by tech logos that would make even a 20-year veteran break into a cold sweat! Entry level position: Must know JavaScript, TypeScript, Python, C#, Ruby, Angular, Node.js, AWS, GCP, Oracle, SQL Server, MySQL, PostgreSQL, Docker, Kotlin, Swift... and we're offering a WHOPPING $15/hour! But there's free coffee in the break room, so... TOTALLY WORTH IT, RIGHT?! 💅

Content Normal and sane authorizations: give your client credentials get your auth token and fuck off AWS: create IAM user - create policy - assign the policy to the IAM user auth with assumed- assume the role for create a role IAM user role calculate HMACHMACHMACHMAC("AWS4" kSecret,"20150830"),"us-east-1"),"iam"),"aws4request" with the information from previous steps sum them all up in authorization header and hope to go that you didnt fuck up time format

Content CATALIN PIT O catalinmpit If your job spec looks like this: HTML, CSS JavaScript, Python NodeJS, GraphQL React AWS Docker Jenkins, Drone Bash scripting Puppet Terraform Kubernetes MySQL, DynamoDB, MongoDB, Aurora You're looking for an entire IT department, not for a developer!

The classic certification-vs-reality gap strikes again. Someone shows up to an interview flaunting 12 AWS certifications, only to reveal they've never actually touched the AWS console. It's like having 12 different driver's licenses but asking "what's a steering wheel?" when you get in the car. The hiring manager's face says it all - another resume padder who can pass multiple-choice tests but would crash production on day one.