When The Senior Dev Says You Need A Mac To Code, So You Take It Literally

The AUDACITY of laptop manufacturers! First they MURDERED our precious PS/2 ports, then VGA got BRUTALLY slaughtered, HDMI is bleeding out, and USB-A is literally being STABBED TO DEATH as we speak! And for what?! So the Grim Reaper of connectivity can knock on the 3.5mm jack's door next?! THE HORROR! 💀 Meanwhile, we're all frantically buying dongles like apocalypse survivors hoarding canned beans. "But it's 0.02mm thinner!" they say, as if that justifies this PORT GENOCIDE. I'm typing this from a laptop that's basically just a screen with attitude and NOTHING ELSE!

Privacy in tech is like that friend who says they'll keep your secret but immediately posts it on Facebook. Safari claims to be the privacy champion, then casually sets Google—the data vacuum of the internet—as the default search engine. It's like installing a security door with a neon sign pointing to the spare key under the mat. The shocked cat perfectly captures that moment when you realize your "private" browsing history is being monetized faster than you can say "targeted advertising."

Content Have you ever heard of Qualcomm, innovator and creator of cell phone technology? Oh yeah. Qualcomm has been inventing and licensing their ideas to tech companies for years. 10 bucks?!? That's obscene! How can poor poor Apple, the world's largest tech company, expect to survive Qualcomm's blatant monopolistic practices? As an Apple app developer, that's the kind of question that keeps me up at night. 2017 Jeff Lovers Did you know Apple is suing Qualcomm for having monopolistic tendencies and gouging prices? You bet! Their patents cost Apple around 10 per iPhone. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pay Apple my annual 99 app developer fee, plus 30 of all app sales, and shop for a new Macintosh computer, the only hardware I'm allowed to use when submitting to ilunes, as mandated by the Apple Developer Agreement. Don' Hit Save - donthitsave.com

THE LAPTOP PROPHECY HAS SPOKEN! 🔮✨ Your company-issued laptop isn't just hardware—it's a CRYSTAL BALL revealing your entire career trajectory! Got a Dell? You're on THIN ICE, honey! Three strikes and you're updating your LinkedIn profile from a coffee shop. MacBook users? Sweetie, your job security is tied to venture capitalists in Patagonia vests. Sleep with one eye open! But if they hand you a Lenovo ThinkPad? Congratulations on your retirement plan! You've just entered corporate PURGATORY where you'll be maintaining legacy code until the heat death of the universe.

Tech bros will drop $5K on a maxed-out MacBook Pro and a $1,500 Herman Miller chair, justifying it with spreadsheets and ROI calculations about "productivity optimization" and "ergonomic investment." Then they'll rotate through the same three wrinkled startup tees from that hackathon in 2017 like it's a capsule wardrobe. The cognitive dissonance is real—your posture gets luxury treatment while your appearance screams "I peaked when we got Series A funding." But hey, at least your lumbar support is premium while you're debugging at 2 AM in a shirt that says "Move Fast and Break Things" (which is now ironic because the company folded).

Content YOUR OS WILL BE THE MOST STABLE Openins Mon Tue-That IF YOU DON'T LET USER TO DO ANYTHING