The Ultimate Job Security Strategy

Autocomplete tools looking at your code like pawn shop owners evaluating your junk. "Best we can do is predict next token" is the programming equivalent of "I'll give you $5 for that family heirloom." Sure, GitHub Copilot might suggest something brilliant, but usually it's just confidently predicting you want another semicolon or closing bracket. The AI revolution in coding is basically just sophisticated guesswork with better marketing.

The five stages of beginner developer delusion, perfectly captured in skeletal form. It starts with innocent enthusiasm, quickly escalates to "I'm learning React to learn JavaScript" (which is like saying "I'm learning to fly a Boeing 747 to understand gravity"), then rapidly descends into the fever dream of building Netflix clones with ChatGPT after 72 hours of coding. By stage four, our protagonist is planning an AI SaaS empire after a week of copy-pasting Stack Overflow answers. The final transformation into a complete skeleton represents the ultimate delusion: dropping engineering college for a bootcamp that "guarantees" job offers. Senior developers watching this evolution: *sips coffee in traumatized silence*

The classic Java rebrand joke strikes again! Someone innocently asks if Java 25 has AI capabilities that let it program itself, and the reply is pure gold. "Yes, Java 25 is actually similar to Java 8 in that it will once again do a rebrand. It is now called jAIva 25 and introduces a new VM called jVLLMLM." The punchline brilliantly mocks Java's history of rebranding (remember the Oracle acquisition drama?) while simultaneously poking fun at the AI hype with that ridiculous VM name - jVLLMLM is basically jamming together "JVM" with "LLM" (Large Language Model) into an unpronounceable tech soup that would make any product manager swoon. The perfect intersection of programming language jokes and AI buzzword satire!

Ah, the classic LinkedIn clickbait switcheroo! Someone's proudly announcing their addiction to the "PORN stack" - which turns out to be P ostgreSQL, O penAI, R eact, and N ext.js. The perfect tech stack for your resume and guaranteed heart attacks for HR departments everywhere. Bonus points for the 703 reactions from developers who nearly spat out their coffee before realizing it's just another tech acronym. Job recruiters must be having a field day with their keyword searches!

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute CARNAGE of career trajectories! 2025 is coming for data scientists with a VENGEANCE! 💀 While AI engineers strut around looking like they just walked off a Silicon Valley fashion runway, data scientists are transforming into depressed philosophers drowning their sorrows at the bar! The AUDACITY of this career market! Remember when everyone and their mother was rushing to become a data scientist? "It's the sexiest job of the 21st century!" they screamed. Well, honey, the AI revolution waits for NO ONE. Those fancy regression models aren't looking so hot now that ChatGPT can do your entire job while also writing poetry about it!

The classic tech industry delusion: celebrating a "successful" AI loan approval system while the privacy analyst stands there like the only adult at a toddler's birthday party. The team is blissfully high-fiving over their black-box algorithm that somehow decides who gets loans, completely ignoring that financial regulators would sooner approve a bank robbery than an unexplainable AI model. Nothing says "we're doomed" quite like a room full of engineers celebrating code that works but can't explain why it works. Regulators tend to be funny that way—they actually want to know how you decided to reject someone's mortgage application beyond "the machine said no."