Why Digitalization Projects Always Fail

The professor wanted the five phases of software development according to some textbook, but this ABSOLUTE GENIUS wrote down the five stages of grief instead! Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance—which is LITERALLY what every developer goes through with each project anyway! The blue X marking it wrong is the greatest injustice since they decided semicolons should be mandatory. This student deserves extra credit, a scholarship, and possibly a Nobel Prize for speaking the raw, unfiltered truth about our collective suffering!

Oh. My. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of technical debt! 💀 One second you're acknowledging the horrifying mountain of spaghetti code you've created, and the very next second you're SHAMELESSLY continuing to add more features to that same dumpster fire! It's the coding equivalent of seeing your credit card bill and then immediately ordering takeout anyway. We're all just digital masochists pretending our future selves will magically have time to refactor everything. SPOILER ALERT: We won't! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*

Waterfall development starts with just wheels and slowly builds into a complete car, one piece at a time, in sequential order. Can't back up, can't change direction. Hope you spec'd the right vehicle. Agile takes a different route - start with a skateboard, then scooter, bicycle, quad bike, and finally a car. Each iteration is actually usable, unlike those lone wheels from waterfall. Then there's AI development: throw in Wacky Races' Mean Machine with three normal cars. Because nothing says "cutting edge technology" like randomly generating a monstrosity and hoping it doesn't kill anyone on the highway.

Look at these monkeys banging away at keyboards while the suits stand there thinking they've found the secret to software success! ABSOLUTE MADNESS! The infinite monkey theorem meets Silicon Valley's desperate search for the next unicorn. Just throw enough primates at a problem and SURELY one of them will accidentally code the next Facebook! Because that's TOTALLY how programming works! Meanwhile, venture capitalists are ready to throw billions at whatever gibberish compiles first. The modern tech industry in its purest form!

Ah, the classic junior dev documentation approach: when in doubt, take a screenshot, add some ALL CAPS text pointing to the obvious, draw an arrow, and don't forget that official signature of approval! This is peak "documentation complete" energy. The button literally says "PUSH TO LOCK" on it already, but our enthusiastic junior has created a whole supplementary user manual for this complex system. Next sprint feature: a 50-page PDF explaining how to use the office microwave.

Junior developer naively asks where the documentation is, only to be met with the team lead's menacing stare and declaration: "I AM DOCUMENTATION." The unspoken reality of tribal knowledge strikes again. The code base is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, passed down through oral tradition like ancient folklore. Documentation exists solely in the minds of those who've survived long enough to remember why that one function needs a random sleep(3) call.