Programming Memes and Humor · ProgrammerHumor.io

Average Open Source Contribution

1 hour ago 19.5K views 0 shares

Someone out here preaching about fighting corporate aggression through open source contributions, then their "contribution" is literally changing "390 million" to "395 million" in a README file. That's it. That's the revolution. The diff shows they updated OpenOffice's download stats by 5 million users. Not fixing bugs, not adding features, not improving documentation in any meaningful way—just bumping a number that'll be outdated again in like three months. Truly the hero open source deserves. Meanwhile, maintainers are drowning in actual issues and PRs, but sure, let's spend time reviewing your stat update. This is why "first-time contributor" PRs have such a... reputation.

If Only We Could Get Ram

Hardware

1 hour ago 23.3K views 0 shares

Girls with time machine: emotional family reunions and preventing historical tragedies. Boys with time machine: straight to the computer store circa 2019 to hoard DDR4 before the great RAM shortage apocalypse of 2020-2022. You know your priorities are completely warped when you'd rather stockpile RGB memory sticks than meet your ancestors. But honestly? After watching RAM prices triple during the pandemic and crypto mining boom, can you blame us? That 32GB kit went from $120 to $400 faster than you can say "supply chain issues." The real tragedy is we'd probably go back and still buy the wrong speed or incompatible timings because we didn't check the motherboard QVL. Time travel can't fix poor planning.

Han Solo Is My Co Pilot

AI Git Programming

4 hours ago 56.7K views 0 shares

GitHub Copilot's autocomplete is so aggressive that searches for "how to turn off Copilot" have skyrocketed 266%. That's not a bug report—that's a cry for help. The tool meant to make you code faster has become the clingy coworker who finishes your sentences wrong. You type "function get" and suddenly you've got 47 lines of code you didn't ask for, solving a problem you don't have. The real kicker? People are so desperate to disable it that they're Googling the same question over and over, probably because Copilot keeps autocompleting their search query with something completely useless. It's the digital equivalent of trying to politely tell someone to stop helping you.

Ew Brother Ew Whats That

Programming Csharp C++ Python Java

5 hours ago 77.3K views 0 shares

You know that face you make when you're doing a code review and stumble upon someone allocating memory like they're running a server farm in 1995? That visceral disgust mixed with genuine concern for humanity's future? Yeah, that's the one. The hyper-specific "0.000438 seconds" is chef's kiss because we all know that one dev who profiles everything and then acts like 438 microseconds is the reason the quarterly metrics are down. Meanwhile, there's a nested loop somewhere doing O(n³) operations on the entire user database, but sure, let's focus on this memory allocation that happens once during initialization. The nose wrinkle and raised lip combo is what happens when you see someone creating a new ArrayList inside a loop that runs a million times. Or when they're allocating a 5GB buffer "just to be safe." Brother, the garbage collector is already crying.

Double Standards

Gamedev

7 hours ago 93.6K views 0 shares

Steam slides into your DMs offering a measly 10% discount and suddenly you're blushing like a schoolgirl, ready to empty your wallet for the fifteenth copy of Skyrim. But when Epic Games shows up with an ENTIRE FREE GAME—like, literally zero dollars—you're immediately on the phone with HR screaming about workplace violations. The audacity! The BETRAYAL! Steam could offer you a used napkin and gamers would frame it, but Epic literally throws AAA titles at people for free and gets treated like it committed a war crime. The gaming community's loyalty to Steam is stronger than most marriages, and Epic's desperate attempts to win people over with free games just makes everyone more suspicious. Nothing says "I don't trust you" quite like refusing free stuff out of pure spite.

Physics, Shaders, Demons - Fine. Fabric? Oof.

Gamedev Unity Algorithms Physics Programming

7 hours ago 100.8K views 0 shares

Physics, Shaders, Demons - Fine. Fabric? Oof.

Game developers will casually implement particle systems that simulate volcanic eruptions with real-time physics calculations, write custom shaders that make demons emerge from interdimensional portals, and handle complex collision detection for massive explosions... but ask them to make a scarf drape naturally on a character model and suddenly they're questioning their entire career choice. The brutal truth? Cloth simulation is genuinely one of the hardest problems in game development. While spawning a demon is just instantiating a prefab with some particle effects, fabric requires real-time physics simulation of thousands of vertices, collision detection with the character's body, wind dynamics, and making it look good at 60fps without melting your GPU. It's the difference between "cool visual effect go brrrr" and "I need to understand tensile forces and material properties now." Turns out summoning hellspawn from the depths of the underworld is easier than making a piece of cloth not clip through a shoulder. Game dev priorities are wild.

You Can Do Anything At Zombocom

Webdev Networking Security Javascript Programming

10 hours ago 130.7K views 0 shares

The virgin API consumer is basically every developer's nightmare journey: drowning in OAuth flows, rate limits hitting like a 429 status code to the face, and having to verify everything short of their grandmother's maiden name just to GET some JSON. Meanwhile, they're shackled by tokens, quotas, and the constant fear that the API provider will yank their endpoint away like a rug. Then there's the chad third-party scraper who just... doesn't care. No OAuth? No problem. Rate limits? What rate limits? They're out here parsing HTML with regex (the forbidden technique that makes computer scientists weep), paying captcha farms pennies, and scraping so fast backends are having existential crises. They've got Selenium, curl, and the audacity of someone who's never read a Terms of Service. The best part? "Website thinks his user agent is a phone" and "doesn't care about changes in policies." While legitimate developers are stuck in OAuth hell, scrapers are just spoofing headers and living their best life. The title references Zombocom, that legendary early 2000s website where "you can do anything" – which is exactly how scrapers operate in the lawless wild west of web scraping. Fun fact: Companies spend millions building anti-scraping infrastructure, yet a determined developer with curl and a rotating proxy can still extract their entire database before lunch.

I Am So Smort

AI Programming Debugging

14 hours ago 181.8K views 0 shares

You know that absolutely GLORIOUS moment when you ask ChatGPT something and it's like "wow, what an excellent question!" and then proceeds to completely malfunction on that exact same question for the 50th time today? Yeah, nothing screams "I'm a genius" quite like repeatedly breaking an AI that's supposed to be smarter than you. The smug goat energy is REAL here. You're out there feeling like you've discovered some profound edge case that's exposing the limits of artificial intelligence, when in reality you're probably just asking it to parse some cursed regex or explain why your CSS isn't centering a div. But hey, if stumping a billion-dollar language model doesn't earn you a PhD in Computer Science, what does? The best part? You'll screenshot that "great question" compliment and frame it on your wall while conveniently ignoring the fact that ChatGPT still can't solve your actual problem. Peak developer validation right there.

I Put Alot Of Effort Into My Titl

C++ Programming Python

15 hours ago 185.4K views 0 shares

C++ devs really be out here benchmarking their 6000-line monstrosity against your Python one-liner and acting like they just solved world hunger. Yeah, congrats on shaving off 0.000438 seconds—that's really gonna matter when both programs finish before you can even alt-tab back to your browser. The superiority complex is strong with this one. Meanwhile, your Python script was written during a coffee break and is already in production while they're still arguing about whether to use std::vector or std::array .

He Still Despises Programming, Though. 🫤

Programming Debugging

15 hours ago 193.3K views 0 shares

He Still Despises Programming, Though. 🫤

The five stages of debugging condensed into one t-shirt. You start with pure hatred, questioning every life choice that led you to this career. Then you hate it even more as you realize the bug is probably something stupid. Then—plot twist—your code actually compiles and runs without segfaulting. Suddenly you're a genius, dopamine floods your brain, and you love programming again. But here's the kicker: despite that brief moment of euphoria when things work, the underlying relationship with programming remains... complicated. It's like a toxic relationship where one successful deployment makes you forget the 47 merge conflicts and the production bug that woke you up at 2 AM last Tuesday. The shirt perfectly captures that developer bipolar disorder where you oscillate between "I should've been a carpenter" and "I am a code wizard" within the same hour. The title nails it—even after the high of success, the baseline emotion is still despise. We're all just Stockholm syndrome survivors at this point.

Don't Be Sad, This Is Just How It Works Out Sometimes

Debugging Gamedev Programming

16 hours ago 199.3K views 0 shares

Don't Be Sad, This Is Just How It Works Out Sometimes

You spend weeks meticulously planning your project architecture. You document everything. You set up your environment. You write your first function. Then the bugs start appearing like medieval catapult ammunition and your entire codebase explodes into a cloud of segfaults and null pointer exceptions. The "Expedition 33" at the end really sells it. Because just like in Kingdom Come: Deliverance, you're not on your first rodeo anymore. You've been through this 32 times before. You know the drill. You accept your fate. You git reset --hard and start over. Again. Some call it debugging. Veterans call it Tuesday.

Money

Programming

16 hours ago 201.6K views 0 shares

Ah yes, the classic interview question that makes everyone suddenly develop amnesia about their childhood dreams. "I wanted to change the world! Innovate! Create!" Nah, who are we kidding? We saw those Silicon Valley salary packages and suddenly algorithms became VERY interesting. Nothing says "passion for technology" quite like realizing you can afford guacamole at Chipotle without checking your bank account first. The brutal honesty is refreshing though—at least Mr. Krabs here isn't pretending he got into CS because he was "fascinated by computational theory" at age 12.

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