The Browser Extension Vigilantes

The only place where "conflict resolution" leads to marriage. Guy meets his wife in a GitHub issue thread—probably while they were viciously arguing over tabs vs. spaces or why someone's PR was "absolute garbage." Then the punchline hits: "glad you found a girl who could commit" and "Glad you two merged" followed by "I'll see myself out." It's beautiful, really. From heated technical debates to holy matrimony. And they say romance is dead? Clearly they haven't experienced the raw passion of a 47-comment thread about missing semicolons.

The joke here is so absurd it's brilliant. Someone's claiming Git, JavaScript, and Microsoft BASIC were all created in a week, and therefore are "perfect software." Meanwhile, the three-headed dragon meme shows the reality: they're all monsters, with JavaScript being the derpy one. For those who've spent years battling Git's cryptic error messages, JavaScript's "undefined is not a function" nightmares, or BASIC's spaghetti code limitations, this is pure comedy gold. These tools took years to develop and are still far from perfect. The date stamp of 2025 is just the cherry on top of this satire sundae. It's the software development equivalent of claiming you can build the Golden Gate Bridge with popsicle sticks over a weekend.

Your elegant 20-line function at the top (the cat) vs the absolute monstrosity of dependencies it requires to run (the overloaded truck). That tiny NPM package you installed? Surprise! It just downloaded half the internet into your node_modules folder. Your hard drive is crying, your CI pipeline is timing out, and somewhere a data center is spinning up another server just to store your "hello world" app. And you're still missing that ONE dependency that actually matters.

HONEY, LISTEN TO ME! The banking industry is having a CRISIS of BIBLICAL proportions! First they're all like "Modern" and "Front" and "End" - cool buzzwords that make developers feel special. But then BOOM! Plot twist! She says "Modern Frontend" and he DARES to respond with "Java Servlet"?! 💀 It's like showing up to a Tesla convention with a steam engine! These billion-dollar banks are STILL running ancient Java servlets from the JURASSIC PERIOD while pretending they're all modern and cutting-edge! The AUDACITY! The DECEPTION! The absolutely prehistoric tech stack masquerading in designer clothes!

That moment when your client emails a biblical scroll of "bugs" they found while using Internet Explorer 6 on their Windows XP fossil. Like Napoleon here, you're just staring into the abyss contemplating your life choices. What am I supposed to do? Build a time machine? The browser was discontinued in 2022 for a reason. No amount of CSS hacks or polyfills will save that trainwreck. But you'll still spend three days trying to fix it because the client pays your bills. Meanwhile, Chrome and Firefox users are having zero issues with your perfectly standards-compliant code.

Ah, the classic "where the hell did my files go?" moment. You put off cleaning your dev environment for years because "it works, don't touch it." Then one brave Sunday morning, you decide to be responsible and update everything. Two hours later, you're staring at an empty folder where your projects used to live, questioning every life decision that led to this point. The best part? You convinced yourself backups were for people who make mistakes. Spoiler alert: that's all of us.