How Your Webdev Boyfriend Makes Money

Ah yes, the classic client scope creep. First panel: "Make me a portfolio website?" Simple enough, just slap some HTML and CSS together, maybe a touch of JavaScript. Second panel: "Now make me a simple store. How hard can it be?" Suddenly you need React, MySQL, authentication, payment processing, and whatever that circuit diagram is supposed to be. Probably the client's "simple" idea for a recommendation algorithm that "just works like Amazon's but better." It's like asking someone to build a doghouse and then casually requesting they add an infinity pool and home theater while they're at it. Because you know, how hard can it be?

Oh my goodness, this is PEAK resume padding energy! 😂 That one sad little "Hello World" program standing awkwardly among your professional projects like it BELONGS there! Nothing screams "desperate to fill white space" like putting your first-ever for-loop next to your actual accomplishments! It's the coding equivalent of listing "proficient at Microsoft Word" when applying to be a senior developer! The contrast is just *chef's kiss* perfect - your fancy React project right next to "I once made a calculator that sometimes works"!

The evolution of "idea people" is too real! Back in the day, non-technical folks with "million dollar ideas" would beg programmers to build their app for free or equity. Now these same people skip straight to AI tools like Figma and no-code platforms, thinking they're self-sufficient until they hit that inevitable technical landmine. Meanwhile, the programmer continues peacefully napping, completely unbothered by the explosion. The sweet karma of technical debt will always find you!

Ah yes, the classic tech interview credential paradox, perfectly captured by "Former Child" as the only qualification. Nothing says "I can reverse a binary tree" quite like bragging that you've successfully completed the tutorial level of human existence. Tech companies want 5 years of experience in a framework that's 3 years old, but hey—I've been breathing for 25 years straight without a single outage! That's 99.9999% uptime, baby. Resume padding has never been so honest.

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute BETRAYAL when Google Translate exposes the truth! 😱 You innocently type "Firefox is not supported" expecting a normal translation, and BAM! Google's algorithm straight-up murders your self-esteem with "I'm a shit programmer." The machine has SPOKEN, and it has chosen VIOLENCE! No debugging skills, no Stack Overflow answers, nothing can save you from this digital read of your entire coding existence. The translator didn't just translate your text—it translated your SOUL! 💀

The math checks out. What they don't tell you in CS degrees is that actual coding is just the tip of the iceberg in this profession. The rest? A delightful cocktail of existential crises. That 40% debugging time is actually 39% wondering how your perfectly logical code produced results that defy the laws of physics, and 1% finding a missing semicolon. And let's be honest, that 5% Stack Overflow figure seems suspiciously low. It's like admitting you only check your ex's social media "occasionally."