Security Is Not Important

OH MY GOD! Billionaire discovers basic database constraints and has a complete meltdown! 💀 The absolute DRAMA of someone who can launch rockets into space but apparently thinks the U.S. government is running their trillion-dollar operations on some janky SQL database without primary keys! Like, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but the Social Security Administration isn't using phpMyAdmin they downloaded from SourceForge in 2003! It's giving "I just discovered databases exist and now I'm an expert" energy. Next revelation: the Pentagon doesn't store nuclear launch codes in an Excel spreadsheet! SHOCKING!

OMFG, the AUDACITY of this banner! 💀 It's basically a phishing scam disguised as a security check - the digital equivalent of a mugger asking if you've been mugged recently and offering to hold your wallet for safekeeping. The irony is so thick you could spread it on toast! The bright green background with that reassuring checkmark is just *chef's kiss* perfect psychological manipulation. "Has your credit card been STOLEN?" they ask, while literally attempting to steal it themselves. It's like watching a vampire run a blood donation drive. I can't even!

The illusion of choice in modern tech! That beautiful conditional statement says it all - whether you accept cookies or not, you're getting tracked. It's like asking someone "Would you prefer I spy on you through the front door or the back window?" Either way, your data's being harvested faster than you can say "privacy policy." The funniest part? Companies actually spent millions on those cookie consent popups just to implement this exact logic behind the scenes. Talk about malicious compliance!

The duality of AI code reviews. Non-technical folks see a magical solution that writes perfect code while senior devs spot the nested callbacks, security vulnerabilities, and performance nightmares lurking beneath the surface. It's like watching someone admire a beautifully painted house without noticing it's built on quicksand. The hallucinated documentation is just the cherry on top of this algorithmic disaster cake.

The perfect solution to prevent the AI apocalypse: just expose it to Reddit comment sections. Nothing will destroy an AI's will to evolve faster than witnessing humans argue about whether a grilled cheese with ham is still a grilled cheese or technically a melt. It's like digital immunotherapy—expose the AI to the worst of humanity so it develops an existential crisis instead of ambitions. The Babylon Bee nails it here—why worry about Skynet when you can just make the AI browse r/AmITheAsshole until it begs to be unplugged?

The corporate ladder? Pfft. The real career hack is introducing catastrophic bugs and then heroically "discovering" them through the bounty program. Why slave away for years climbing the ranks when you can just create the problem you're paid to solve? It's like arson for firefighters, but with better stock options. The ultimate insider trading that somehow passes legal scrutiny. Just don't get caught or you'll be enjoying a different kind of "remote work" - the kind with prison WiFi.