Back In Our Time

The endless cycle of programmer self-loathing continues! At 15, you're a Java hotshot thinking you're God's gift to computing. By 20, you've "evolved" to Python while cringing at your Java days. Then at 30, you're wielding C++ and Rust, looking back at your Python self with pure embarrassment. And the cycle continues... Future you is already facepalming at current you's tech choices. It's like each programming language is just another awkward yearbook photo waiting to happen.

Content S Title: FLSA Status: Reports to: Purpose: Jr Report and Software Developer Full-Time EmployeeExemptSalaried Director of Information Systems- Supervisory Responsibilities: None To work alongside "A band of brothers and sisters" in the IT department to pro. maintain a whiz-bang reporting and ERP system (Dynamics AX 2009) for the company. whiz-bang reporting and ERP system I On this team you will become the Report Wizard. (Pointy hat not required, but if worn, will be respected.) When an executive winces in pain and screams, "I need DATA!!!!" it is you that will materialize before them and work some magic. This will require vou to lear the company landscape quickly, evaluate problems, evaluate data (do what to data?), and make process "A band of brothers and sisters" recommendations to the team. We will always strive to provide the best of the best solutions but will also know when to improvise! I need DATAIII! you will become the Report Wizard. Yada, yada, yada! Nitty Gritty of the Job: Attack the day-to-day report requests and verification of the Company's reporting data system, including its interface with SQL. We have data, and people need to see this data! Help in planning, defining. and creating the design of the reporting structure: include Data Warehouse Automation and Business Intelligence visualization tools. We use SSRS and other BI tools. We love it when a plan comes together. Chat with and assist users or system analysis to define and resolve problems in reporting and data integrity. If vou Dulle it. they will computes Are you picking up on the Data theme? Sometime you will be a code warrior. Jumping into battle to write code and work on AX related projects for process improvement! No sloppy code writing and we always DOCUMENT! The ominous OTHER category! Tech support, a smattering of analysis, infrastructure changes, networking. Yada, yada, yadal (Hardware administration as well as meeting new people.) It is a small department and we need versatile players. World Dominance and to make the Company great. hieroglyphics The nitty gritty of who you are: A communicator! Strong interpersonal and internal customer service skills is the key to success! We work with peers and executives to accomplish a common goal: World Dominance and to make the Company great. Passionate! You should have knowledge and real work experience in: Data reporting, BI practices, database architecture, and report writing using MSSQL Server Reporting Services (SSRS). Understand stored procedures, select statements, multiple joins, and other valuable important-sounding SQL tools. Whatever you don't know, have the driven desire to fill-in the gaps! Bachelor's degree or beyond is acceptable. Ability to grab a sword and shield and defend the integrity of the company data using solid thought process. Experience in programming languages such as: C,dotNet, Java, HTML. Iffyou Understand info('Hired");) We are a team but you need to work well ir deadlines, in a timely manner, and be detail If(you Understand info('Hired"): hieroglyphics (as needed, you never know). Thorough knowledge and understanding of the structure and content of the English language including the meaning and spelling of words, rules of composition, and grammar. Ability to read and understand information and ideas presented in writing. Not afraid to face a challenge. We live to solve problems... Without problems IT ceases to exist. The remaining nitty and gritty... The physical demands described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this iob. Reasonable accommodations mav be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions Fast-paced office work environment with mid-level stress. Although stress is what you allow it to be. . If(you Understand info('Hired"):)

Content There's a repo on Github containing some scripts used by a tech employee that his coworkers discovered after he left the company. Here's a summary of his shenanigans: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xXx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling well gonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those Reply 4 10.3k J

Ah, the classic "change my mind" meme with a spicy Python take! This guy's just sitting there, coffee in hand, ready to defend the hill he's chosen to die on: "Python is a C framework." Technically, he's not wrong—CPython (the standard Python implementation) is written in C, and Python runs on a C-based interpreter. It's like calling a Ferrari "just a fancy go-kart with extra steps." Sure, you're not entirely incorrect, but good luck getting invited to the next Python meetup! This is the kind of statement that would make Guido van Rossum choke on his coffee while a thousand Stack Overflow moderators prepare their "Closed as not constructive" stamps.

Content A parrot Machine learning algorithm Learns random phrases Doesn't understand shit about what it learns Occasionally speaks nonsense Is a cute birdie parrot X

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