// TODO Fix this later

Content HOW TO WRITE GOOD CODE: START PROJECT. DO THINGS RIGHT OR DO THEM FAST? RIGHT FAST CODE FAST CODE WELL DOES IT WORK YET? NO ALMOST, BUT ITS BECOME A MASS OF KLUDGES AND SPAGHETTI CODE. ARE YOU DONE YET? NO NO, AND THE REQUIREMENTS HAVE CHANGED. THROW IT ALL OUT AND START OVER. GOOD CODE

The MySQL logo has been brilliantly transformed into "OurSQL" with a Soviet ushanka hat on the dolphin. Because in communist database design, you don't own the tables—the tables own you! Your data isn't private property anymore, comrade. SELECT * FROM your_secrets is now everyone's constitutional right. No more PRIMARY KEYs, only COLLECTIVE KEYs. And forget about user permissions—in OurSQL, everyone's a database administrator whether they know JOIN syntax or not.

Content Spiraling Out Of Control: This Man Spends 90 Minutes A Day Online 12355 11:09am a Fled ta: WOW PROGRAMMERS: PROGRAMMERS:

Content Google microsoft killed microsoft killed rare microsoft killed skype microsoft killed minecraft microsoft killed nokia microsoft killed netscape

Someone out here preaching about fighting corporate aggression through open source contributions, then their "contribution" is literally changing "390 million" to "395 million" in a README file. That's it. That's the revolution. The diff shows they updated OpenOffice's download stats by 5 million users. Not fixing bugs, not adding features, not improving documentation in any meaningful way—just bumping a number that'll be outdated again in like three months. Truly the hero open source deserves. Meanwhile, maintainers are drowning in actual issues and PRs, but sure, let's spend time reviewing your stat update. This is why "first-time contributor" PRs have such a... reputation.

Nothing says "you were the only one who understood that spaghetti code" quite like watching your former coworkers desperately stalking your LinkedIn profile at 2 AM. They're probably wondering if you'd come back for a consulting fee that's triple your old salary. Spoiler alert: you won't, but watching them panic from afar? Priceless. Pro tip: turn off "who viewed your profile" notifications so they can suffer in silence while you sip your coffee at your new gig.