The Vampire Coder Chronicles

Content CEO to all the managers: "Can this be delivered in 6 months?" Me (a junior developer): "Of course!" HR Head My Manager CEO My Mentor Chief Architect Projector Lady

Content Is 5 lines of code too many? Depends on the context in Java, no In Python, yes

Content YOUR PYTHON SORTING ALGORITHM IS REALLY EFFICIENT def efficientsort(list): return list.sort()

Ah, the Haskell evangelist at the party. Standing alone in the corner, sipping his drink, silently judging everyone's inferior programming paradigms. He's mastered monads—those abstract mathematical structures that let you chain operations together—and desperately wants someone, anyone , to ask about them. Meanwhile, the rest of the party has collectively agreed to avoid eye contact lest they trigger another 45-minute lecture on pure functional programming and why their favorite language is "just a monad in a trenchcoat." The functional programming equivalent of a vegan who crossfits.

Content above le we ed at y sky is a bad of is a d System lestore Disk Do NoT erAse

Ah yes, the classic "let's handle years with a switch statement" approach. Some poor developer back in 1999 was like: switch(year) {   case 2020: // pandemic mode   case 2021: // still pandemic   case 2022: // recovery mode   case 2023: // normal-ish   case 2024: // election chaos   // TODO: add more years later   default: trainControl.panic(); } And then they quit, got promoted, or died before anyone remembered to add 2025. Twenty-five years after Y2K and we're still writing software like time is a finite concept. This is why we can't have nice things... or functioning trains, apparently.