The Sacred Cow Of Legacy Code

Content The world is a cruel and unjust place. There is no harmony in the universe. The only constant is suffering. minutes later Oh I misspelled a variable ProgrammerHumor.

Content 84 16:14 12 16:14 49 16:14 13 16:14 J 36 16:14 9 16:14 59 16:14 14 16:14 J youtme 16:15 Error: Can not implicit convert from int type into char type 16:15 J

THE BETRAYAL! 😤 You watch that tutorial with its FLAWLESSLY working code, thinking you're about to become the next tech billionaire. Then you copy the EXACT SAME CODE into your IDE and suddenly your computer acts like you've just insulted its entire ancestry! Error messages EVERYWHERE! Red squiggly lines MOCKING your existence! Your code has chosen violence today and decided that physics, logic, and the fundamental laws of programming simply don't apply in YOUR environment. The audacity of that code to work perfectly in a tutorial but throw a tantrum in your IDE is the greatest treachery known to developerkind!

Content DEAR VARIOUS PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, COWORKERS, AND OTHER "NOT COMPUTER PEOPLE WE DON'T MAGICALLY KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING IN EVERY PROGRAM. WHEN WE HELP YOU, WE'RE USUALLY JUST DOING THIS: START FIND A MENU ITEM OR BUTTON WHICH LOOKS RELATED TO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. OK y CLICK IT. I CAN'T FIND ONE. PICK ONE AT RANDOM. IVE TRIED THEM ALL NO HAVE YOU BEEN TRYING THIS FOR OVER HALF AN HOUR? YES ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP OR GIVE UP. NO DID IT WORK? YES GOOGLE THE NAME OF THE PROGRAM PLUS A FEW WORDS RELATED TO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. FOLLOW ANY INSTRUCTIONS. YOURE DONE! PLEASE PRINT THIS FLOWCHART OUT AND TAPE IT NEAR YOUR SCREEN. CONGRATULATIONS; YOU'RE NOW THE LOCAL COMPUTER EXPERT!

Content MY PM ASKS FOR AN IMPOSSIBLE FEATURE I FIGURE OUT A CLEVER HACK TO IMPLEMENT IT I TELL HIM WHY IT'S NOT POSSIBLE HE NOW EXPECTS ME TO BE ABLE TO DO ANY CRAZY THING HE THINKS UP

Content When your program is a complete mess, but it does its job