Relationship Status: Undefined

Functional programmers can't catch a break! Mom asks if he's bringing a girl to Christmas, but all our hero can think about is his Haskell JSON parser that won't compile. The error message shows jsonValue and main are both undefined - classic relationship status for Haskell devs. Meanwhile, he's streaming his coding struggles to 32.6K viewers who are definitely not judging his non-existent dating life. The irony of mastering complex type systems while failing at simple "String → Maybe (String, a)" human relationships is just *chef's kiss*.