Optimize For Developer Time

Oh boy, this shirt is basically an SQL query for dating preferences, written by someone who clearly needs to update their human interaction drivers. The query starts off innocently enough with SELECT * FROM "GIRLS" WHERE age BETWEEN 18 and 20 (standard database filtering), but then spirals into a creepy checklist with boyfriend = false , is_cute = true , etc. The real bug in this code isn't the syntax—it's the programmer's social algorithm. Guaranteed to return ERROR: No matches found (and several restraining orders). The perfect shirt for announcing "I treat women like database entries" to the entire coffee shop!

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