Imagine gatekeeping programming languages based on whether they support multiple return values. The absolute AUDACITY to suggest that if your language doesn't let functions return tuples or multiple values, you're somehow drowning in "functional programming sauce" and incapable of doing anything useful. Like, sir, C has been running the entire world for decades with its single return value energy, but sure, tell me how my code is useless because I can't return three things at once. The punchline? Someone asks "what language?" and the answer is... Dutch. Not Python, not Rust, not even JavaScript—just the entire Dutch language. Because apparently linguistic limitations are now programming paradigm debates. Chef's kiss to that plot twist.