Expect Trouble

When the job posting asks for "clean, maintainable code" but you open the codebase and find a 200+ element global array tracking everything from "Joe's Sunglasses" to "Coffee Temperature" to "Did we say No to Joe?" 😂 That GameMaker project is the digital equivalent of finding a serial killer's wall of string and newspaper clippings. Each variable is initialized to zero, patiently waiting to track some obscure game state that only makes sense to the original developer who's probably moved to a cabin in the woods by now. Pro tip: If your storyline tracking system requires comments longer than the actual code, you might want to consider using, oh I don't know... OBJECTS? ENUMS? Literally anything but a massive global array that screams "I learned programming from a YouTube tutorial in 2003."

Oh, the eternal struggle of dark mode vs light mode just went intergalactic! The alien's response is basically every senior dev when a junior shows up with default light theme settings. "Sorry buddy, we're throwing you back to space - we only accept developers who protect their retinas around here." The cosmic horror isn't alien invasion, it's having to pair program with someone using a light-themed IDE. Immediate grounds for deportation from Planet Developer.

Content NICE EASY TO FOLLOW TUTORIAL WITH CLEAR VOICE HEAVYINDIAN ACCENT WITH VIDEO RENDERED AT240P RANDOM TUTORIAL FROM 2007 WHERE THE GUY TYPES EVERYTHING INTO NOTEPAD AT 2 WPM AND PLAYS LOUD DUESTEP IN THE BACKGROUN NO AUDIO AND JUSTA POWERPOINT PRESENTATION WITH SCREENSHOTS OF SNIPPETS OF CODE ingflip.com

Ah, the sticker that launched a thousand panic attacks. For the youngsters: computers used to store years as two digits to save precious memory. So 1999 was just "99" in code. When 2000 hit, systems would roll over to "00" and potentially think it was 1900, causing chaos with calculations, dates, and potentially launching nuclear missiles (or so the media claimed). The solution? Turn everything off and hope for the best. Spoiler alert: we survived, but Best Buy made a killing selling these stickers to terrified boomers who thought their toasters might become sentient.

Content comment III comment

Content Caitlin caithuls RELATIVE: You know about computers, right? ME (has a degree in computer science): No