Taliban Bans Windows

Content I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SPACES IN THESE MOTHERFUCKING PATHS imaflip.com

Nothing says "modern operating system" quite like Windows telling you that Terminal—a basic app that should just work—isn't available in your account and you need to sign into the Store to fix it. Because apparently even your command line needs DRM now. The cherry on top? They give you an error code (0x803F8001) that looks like it was generated by a hex dump of Microsoft's organizational structure. Good luck Googling that—you'll find 47 different solutions, none of which work, and all of them involve rebooting, clearing the cache, or sacrificing a chicken to the Windows Update gods. Meanwhile, Linux users are out here just typing "terminal" and getting a terminal. Revolutionary concept, I know.

Content In case of fire 1. git commit 2. git push G 3. leave building

Content anthraxlobster Free worldbuilding idea: Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all. "Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagent shop for a few years I don't trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes." "Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston's Divine Circle of Teleportation. There's some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It's way safer." "I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? 'Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles? That's just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don't even interact with each other." "I've been looking at this scroll all morning and I'm 90 sure that the scribe didn't even look at the standard for pyromancies." digitaldiscipline "Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?" indistinct vocals "Dave, l've seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support." purewriting "I can't get this fucking spell to work, Jane, can you look it?" passes a scroll a few moments of silence "I think you missed a bookend rune right here-" "GODS DAMN IT! IT'S ALWAYS SHIT LIKE THAT! THANK YOU!" angrily scribbles on parchment (It takes five more aggravatingly tiny adjustments before the spell works) crazy-pages don't play wizards anymore because they're too much like my day job. drackir Instead of a orb the wizard has a little statue of a duck he tells his spells to and then swears when he spots the obvious mistake. beachfox You beat me to it! I was going to add that the reason why wizards and witches always have familiars around is so they can Rubber Duck at them until they realize what the mistake with their spell is! Outsiders get it wrong and figure the familiars are somehow teaching spells to their owners, but no. It's just explaining to Firewing what you're trying to do with this teleportation matrix until you realize that you've been using telepathy crystals to power it the whole time like a FUCKING IDIOT! 53,471 notes u

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (I) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

Content X Cons Being open source, the program often crashes Thomas had never seen such bullshit before