Digital Afterlife: The Shitposting Automation Pipeline

Content You: - fairly average software dev - claims not to be competitive, but secretly dreams of landing on the leaderboard at least once - uses a full IDE; wastes a minute right out the gate waiting for it to start - still parsing the problem statement while others are already submitting answers actually uses a debugger when things aren't working Your competition: "Hackerman" - IntoSec maior - sits at his PC on a near-lethal dose of Adderall waiting for the timer to hit 00:00 - has automated scripts for pulling the input and submitting solutions, and his own library of helper functions for every imaginable problem class - knows vour IP at all times "-mhtwalters" - research scientist at Intel - does puzzles for fun that are harder than any job you will ever have - so utterly bored with the problems that he creates increasingly ridiculous self-imposed restrictions to keep things interesting - solved last year exclusively in APL on a System360 emulator, and still finished 9th on the global leaderboard - personal homepage is HTML 2.0 compliant "wihbr" - software dev from undisclosed Eastern- European country, making 200kyr for a company you've never heard of - is in literally every coding competition -Twitch stream is just a Vim terminal and the sounds of a mechanical keyboard - types faster than you can read or think "Tharg" - Linux kernel hacker - specialization in compiler design - is golfing in some esoteric language nobody has ever heard of - can mentally transpile any code he sees to assembly - measures his solutions performance in actual clock cycles - overworked Chinese university student, double majoring in theoretical physics and chemical engineering - has been locked into various educational institutions since he was 3 years old - only time outside of school is for piano lessons - can literally only see the relevant parts of the problem statement - you will not understand his solutions without a PhD in discrete mathematics "Samir Nagheenanajar" - outsourced IT support technician - does puzzles because he has nothing better to do during - forced to solve in Excel because he isn't allowed to install other software - can reveal the face of God using only BA - rumored to possess the combined knowledge and power of all Indian educational YouTubers

Content Java Developer Aclat, Incorporated Posted: Sep 29, 2014 DIVISION IT APPROXIMATE HOURS PER WEEK COMPENSATION Paid TYPE 40 Hrsweek DURATION 6 Months QUALIFICATIONS Any Degree DESCRIPTION JavaScript, also known as Java for short, is a scripting language that allows interactivity on websites. For instance, Java allows users to see different images Employer Profile based on where they scroll or click their mouse on the site. Java developers are the experts who work closely with team members, end-users and vendors to test and create websites that are easy to navigate for web visitors. Java developers are responsible for programming JavaScript on commercial websites to create moving images, drop-down menus, animation and different sounds and music. These professionals also work closely with JavaScript to enable security settings that validate users and process business transactions. Java developers frequently communicate with their management team and end-users to ensure that the scripting language addresses user and business requirements, improves website functionality, and enhances the overall design and usability of the site. Other duties for java developers include gathering and documenting user requirements, analyzing data and conducting unit and quality assurance testing. Java developers should be highly analytical and technologically savvy, with strong problem-solving skills. Employers prefer candidates who have expertise with JavaScript development, as well as experience working with HTML, JSP, EJB, Eclipse and Microsoft SQL Server. Candidates should also have a proficiency in Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Vise. The ability to pay close attention to detail, develop creative solutions for complex and abstract problems and concentrate for

[text] I have 23 followers on GitHubmkdont kpow who they are am not a Fo rogrammer

File management difficulty tier list, where each tier requires increasingly galaxy-brain solutions: Windows/Linux: Basic brain. Just drag, drop, copy, paste. Child's play. Android: Enlightened brain. Where did that download go? Why can't I access that folder? Is it in internal storage or SD card? Who knows! Chrome OS: Ascended brain. "What's a file system?" —Google, probably. iPhone: Transcendent cosmic brain. Want to move a PDF? First sacrifice your firstborn, then jailbreak your phone, then realize Apple never intended for you to actually own your files in the first place. It's not a bug, it's a "feature."

OMG, the ABSOLUTE DRAMA of open source developers! 💅 These magnificent creatures single-handedly maintain packages that literally keep the ENTIRE INTERNET functioning while surviving on nothing but cold pizza and gratitude! The rest of us mortals are just gently cradling them through digital space like the fragile heroes they are. Without them, we'd all be coding our own JSON parsers like BARBARIANS! Next time your project has 47,392 dependencies, remember there's probably just ONE sleep-deprived saint maintaining half of them for free while you complain about that one missing feature!

Content skooks skooookum i have nothing on github because i mostly write code that makes money 10:18 PM 62523 from Earth 11.2K Views