You Know What Language It Is

Content I rProgrammerHumor JavaScript Teacher javascriptual When I worked at Google I saw this code: if (user.cookies.agreed) CollectData(user) else CollectData(user) 9:28 am 27 Jan 21 Twitter Web App 59 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 201 Likes

Oh. My. GOD. You just HAD to say "HTML is a programming language," didn't you? The ULTIMATE tech world civil war starter! 💀 Watch as hordes of computer science purists DRAMATICALLY clutch their mechanical keyboards while screeching "It's a MARKUP language, you absolute heathen!" Meanwhile, front-end devs are in the corner having existential crises because apparently their entire career is built on a LIE. The internet has NEVER known peace since this debate began. Friendships shattered. Stack Overflow threads locked. Conference rooms burned to the ground. And you're just standing there with that smug little smile, watching the world burn!

Content C Programmers: All variables must be strictly typed Javascript programmers: 91-"1" 90 truetrue 2 0.10.2 ! 0.3 "" 0 0 9999999999999999 10000000000000000 - VARIABLE IS VARIABLE

Ah, the infamous "leftpad incident" – when the entire JavaScript ecosystem collapsed because someone got mad about a package name. 11 lines of code that could've been written by a junior dev in 5 minutes brought down Facebook, Netflix, and Spotify. Why? Because the modern web is basically a house of cards built on thousands of dependencies that nobody actually reads. This is why I drink. The most powerful companies in the world, with billions in market cap, were paralyzed because they couldn't figure out how to pad a string with spaces without importing a package. NPM: Need Package Madness. Where we'll happily import 700MB of node_modules to avoid writing a for loop.

Look at these American cloud giants getting the Toy Story treatment. After years of Stockholm syndrome relationships with AWS, Google Cloud, and Azure, European dev teams are finally having their "Jessie moment." Nothing says "I've reconsidered our toxic relationship" like migrating to Hetzner after your AWS bill suddenly includes a 25% tariff surcharge. Sure, the documentation might be in German, but it's still more comprehensible than Lambda's pricing structure. Scaleway doesn't have 47 different database options? Good. I didn't understand the difference between the last 46 anyway.

The dream: spend your day crafting elegant algorithms and solving interesting problems. The reality: waste 6 hours figuring out why your Docker container can't find Node 16.2.3 even though you CLEARLY specified it in your Dockerfile, then realize your .env file has a space after one of the equals signs. Cool cool cool.