Underwater JavaScript: Where Your Tears Blend In

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Ah, the dependency economy strikes again! Nothing says "Make JavaScript Great Again" like slapping tariffs on all your package managers. 67% on NPM? That's how you end up with node_modules the size of Wyoming but still missing that one critical dependency. And Cargo at 90%? Rust developers about to start smuggling crates across the border. Meanwhile, Homebrew at just 14% is clearly the "very fine package manager on both sides." The only thing growing faster than these tariffs is your package-lock.json file.

OH. MY. GOD. The world's most chaotic economic policy revealed! 😱 A function that literally sets tariffs using Math.random() * .25 ?! This is what happens when you let someone who names their files "v2_v3_Final_New_Final_Real_New_Final" write economic policy. The stock market doesn't stand a CHANCE against this random number generator from hell! Trade deals being determined by the digital equivalent of throwing darts blindfolded. I can't even! 💀

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