Keep It Simple Stupid

Content C Closed miku-chan03 opened this issue on 18 Oct 2017 2 comments miku-chan03 commented on 18 Oct 2017 Contributor HI 1 fixie wixied the JSON-api fucksy wucksie!!! xp I repwaced the Prototypes. func wiff a more -streamlined- kawaii Pwototypiee. funkywunks object that make the JS go sooper dooper fast!! XD starts twerking Can u pwease merge my pwull wequest senpai?!! UwU gaearon commented on 19 Oct 2017 Contributor what in the name of fuck gaearon closed this permanently on 19 Oct 2017

Oh, the absolute HORROR of 12-year-old you thinking that hbglp , vbglp , and cdc were the height of programming sophistication! Nothing screams "elite hacker" quite like variable names that look like someone smashed their keyboard while having a seizure, am I right? And that LINE 210? SWEET MOTHER OF SPAGHETTI CODE, it's longer than a CVS receipt! That single line is basically a novel written in the ancient tongue of "I-have-no-idea-what-future-me-will-think." The nested ternaries, the eval() calls, the complete and utter disregard for human readability—it's like looking at the Necronomicon of JavaScript. Young developers everywhere: this is your brain on "looking cool." Please, for the love of all that is holy, use descriptive variable names and hit that Enter key once in a while. Your future self (and literally anyone who has to touch your code) will thank you instead of plotting your demise. 💀

The beautiful irony here is that most "random" number generators in programming are actually pseudorandom—they're deterministic algorithms that just produce sequences that look random. You give them the same seed, you get the same "random" numbers every single time. It's like asking for chaos but getting a very organized spreadsheet instead. The shocked cat's face captures that exact moment when you realize your RNG is basically a fancy calculator cosplaying as entropy. Quantum computers promise true randomness through quantum mechanics shenanigans, but until then, we're all just running Math.random() and pretending we don't know it's using a Linear Congruential Generator from 1958. Fun fact: If you need cryptographically secure randomness, never use your language's basic random function. That's how you end up generating "random" session tokens that a script kiddie can predict faster than you can say "security vulnerability."

Ah, the classic developer paradox. Why spend 10 minutes crafting the perfect SQL query when you can waste 3 hours writing convoluted JavaScript filters instead? It's like bringing a telescope to find your glasses when they're sitting on your head. The irony is palpable - we'll analyze 500MB of data client-side before considering that maybe, just maybe, the database was literally designed for this exact purpose. But no, let's pull the entire table and filter it with 17 nested for-loops because we're efficient . Next week: "Why is our app so slow?" 🤔

Just because you can write an operating system in JavaScript doesn't mean you should . But that won't stop some developers from trying and feeling like they've conquered Everest when they pull it off. It's that special brand of developer masochism where we deliberately choose the wrong tool for the job just to prove it's possible. Like using Excel for database management or CSS to solve math problems. The real punchline? Somewhere out there, a tech lead is adding "JavaScript OS experience" to their job requirements.

Ah, the eternal standoff between human laziness and HTML syntax. That unclosed button tag just sitting there, mocking you while you're desperately hoping some AI assistant will swoop in and add that magical </button> for you. The Pablo Escobar waiting meme perfectly captures that existential emptiness as you stare at your screen, wondering if you really need to expend the energy to type those nine extra characters. Is it "vibe coding" or just peak developer energy conservation? Either way, that button's staying unclosed until the heat death of the universe.