I'd Rather Die Of Thirst

Content Giulio Carrara Engineering Manager at Abstract Dear recruiters, if you are looking for: - Java, Python, PHP - React, Angular - PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB - AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS - nix system administration - Git and CI with TDD - Docker, Kubernetes That's not a Full Stack Developer. That's an entire IT department. Yours truly

Frontend developers looking at CSS like it's some mystical treasure that will solve all their layout problems. Then they actually try to center a div vertically and suddenly that treasure turns into a cursed object. The face of regret in the third panel is the universal expression of someone who just realized they need to support Internet Explorer.

Non-programmers ask why we always use 'i' and 'j' as loop variables. The answer is simple: it's not a choice, it's a sacred tradition passed down since FORTRAN days. Using 'x' or 'counter' instead would probably summon a daemon that corrupts your Git history. Some programmers claim they've tried using different variables and mysteriously found their keyboards reprogrammed to only type 'i++' the next day. The compiler doesn't care, but the programming gods do.

That poor Vanilla JS developer surrounded by framework fanatics in the JavaScript pool party! The lone dev just trying to write clean, native code while everyone points and judges like he brought a flip phone to an iPhone convention. Framework zealots never miss a chance to evangelize their library of choice, while vanilla devs are left explaining why they don't need 300MB of node_modules to render a button. The irony? That vanilla JS dev probably understands the language better than all the framework swimmers combined!

Ah, the classic "let me check every possible capitalization pattern" approach! This developer is manually checking for true , True , TRue , TRUe and then the same for false variants instead of just using toLowerCase() once and comparing to a standard value. The function even returns maybe if neither pattern matches, which is both hilarious and terrifying for Boolean logic. Somewhere, a computer science professor is feeling a disturbance in the force. This is the kind of code that makes code reviewers develop eye twitches and start muttering "string.toLowerCase() === 'true'" in their sleep.

Content I hate necessary javascript in websites Because your CPU is a shit