The Alphabet: Java's Secret Performance Bottleneck

The horror! Using exceptions as a data transport mechanism is like using a fire alarm as an intercom. Some backend dev actually built a system where they're intentionally throwing exceptions to pass data between services! That's like deliberately crashing your car to change lanes. Exception handling is meant for exceptional circumstances, not as your primary API. The stack traces alone would make any performance profiler weep. Imagine the logs: "ERROR: Everything's actually fine, we just needed to send some JSON to the payment service." This is the programming equivalent of using a sledgehammer to insert a thumbtack.

Content ?php header ("Content-type: texthtml; charsetutf-8"); This is a warning to any poor soul who may have to deal with this code. I took over this criminal piece of chaos from a monkey named Joel who I assume had been given a typewriter by Mephistopheles himself. For reasons I have yet been unable to fathom, he decided to patch together this thing using a Base setup hardwired into an unfixably broken Manjaro VM, queried by a handwritten plate of uncommented PHP spaghetti fit to feed an army of people with a serious death wish, without any framework or CMS. The very long BaseX script, very long PH presenter and very long XSLT stylesheet mostly perform the same heuristic document structuring for different components and are supposed to produce compatible results, but I bet they have mismatches somewhere. Since Prof. T just wanted a few small functional enhancements, I decided to just patch it and keep the general setup. Unless you were hired to correct some spelling mistakes, DO NOT FOLLOW IN MY STEPS. Putting up with this simulation of how a goldfish would design a system has literally given me CLINICAL DEPRESSION. This is not an exaggeration, I am writing this after a prolonged medical therapy - mostly successful, thanks for asking, but not fun. I wouldn't wish this code on anybody who isn't a manager at Oracle or Facebook, and therefore give you this sincere advice: Nuke this. Take the XSLT if you must, and then nuke the app and recreate it in Django or whatever works for you. I would do it myself, but I risked a relapse simply by opening this file again to write this comment. Dear brother or sister, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world and hope it will be enough. Farewell. error reporting (E ALL); ini set ("display errors", true); print('?xml version"1.0" encodina"UTF-8" ?'. "In"):?

Content Extreme A Arrays start at 0 e.g: C Statically typed e.g: Rust snakecase variable names e.g: C Current object is self e.g: Rust One number type e.g: TypeScript Garbage-collected e.g: C Objects passed by value e.g: C Tiny standard library e.g: C Extreme B Compromise Arrays start at 1 e.g: Lua Dynamically typed eg: Python camelCase variable names e.g:java Current object is this e.g: C Separate integer and float types e.g: C Manual resource management e.g: C Objects passed by reference e.g: Python Giant standard library e.g: Python Arrays start at 0.5 Changing a variable's type requires calling .changeType () stretchyCamelCase Current obiect is seis "Separate" integer and float types (by name) but they behave the exact same Manually mark resources to be garbage collected Odd arguments by value, even arguments by reference Giant standard library, but it's full of niche stuff and has none of the commonly used stuff

Content JavaScript is no longer the favorite programming language for developers tr TechRadar 17h

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute TRAGEDY of programming language tribalism captured in one devastating image! 💅 Two kingdoms separated by a river of PURE HATRED, each convinced their programming language is heaven-sent while the other is LITERAL GARBAGE. "Our blessed syntax" vs "Their barbarous indentation rules" - as if your semicolons make you ROYALTY, honey! 👑 The AUDACITY of calling your debugging "heroic" while dismissing others as having "brutish quick fixes" is sending me to another dimension! We're all just trying to make computers do things without crying, yet here we are, building FORTRESSES around our precious language choices! Sweetie, your "noble design patterns" and their "backward legacy code" are probably both going to be obsolete in five years anyway. The drama! The delusion! I can't even! 💁‍♀️

Content GOT THE PRINCESS! HOW TO SAVE THE PRINCESS BY toggl USING 8 PROGRAMMING Goon SquAD LANGUAGES YOU HAVE JAVASCRIPT YoU SPEnD HOURS PICKING LIBRARIES SETTING UP NODE BUILDING A FRAME WORK FOR THE CASTLE. BY THE TIME YoUrE FINISHED WITH THE FRAME WORK, THE FORT HAS BEEN ABANDONED AND THE PRINCESS HAST MOVED TO ANOTHER CASTIC YOU HAVE YOU HAVE A LIBRARY FOR A CASTLE A LIBRARY FOR THE PRINCESS - CHARGE! YoU RESCUE THE PRINCESS HER DOG, HER ENTIRE WARDROBE EVERYTHING SHE HAS EVER EATEN... FUCK - DID FORGET A NULL -TERMINATOR YOU HAVE C YOU SPEND HOURS TRYING TO EXPRESS THE ENTIRE RESCUE IN A SINGLE LINQ QUERY YOU GIVE UP AND GO TO STACKOVERFLOW TO HAVE JON SKEET RESCUE THE PRINCESS FOR YOU You HAVE JAVA YOU QUICKLY DEPLOY THE RESCUE TO PRODUCTION YOU DISCOVER You'vE LOADED TWO VERSIONS OF THE CASTLE BUT NO PRINCESS YoU HAVE LiSp YOU HAVE Go WE DON'T SUPPORT FREEING CAPTURED PRINCESSES WE ALREADY HAVE THESE FREE PRINCESSES IN THE STANDARD LIBR... ... WAIT, IS THIS THE PRINCESS FROM THE JAVA PANEL YOU HAVE PASCAL YOU DECLARE YOUR PRINCESS CASTLE RESCUE PLAN THeN YOU GO FOR A DRINK FORGET ABOUT THE IMPLEMENTATION YOU HAVE PHP YOU HAVE TO RESCUE THE PRINCESS... ... IN PHP... MART VIRKUS '16 ProdrammerHumor.io g toggl