Explained To Gen Z Why The Save Button Looks Like That

When the documentation said "bare metal programming" but you took it too literally! Someone's gone and filled their CPU socket with copper wires instead of an actual processor, and now they're proudly declaring "Finally finished installing the Processor 👍" like they've accomplished something revolutionary. That's not how you achieve parallel processing, my friend! Those copper strands aren't going to execute your code, unless your program is "short circuit everything." The only thing this is processing is your motherboard's last will and testament.

Looking down from my throne of 128GB RAM while Chrome tabs multiply like rabbits. The rest of you close browsers before gaming? How quaint. I'm simultaneously running three IDEs, a Kubernetes cluster, and training an AI model just to keep my CPU fan from getting bored.

Ah, UserBenchmark—the Fox News of hardware reviews. This gem shows them "objectively" reviewing AMD's RX 9070-XT with all the neutrality of a scorned ex. They're basically saying "Sure, AMD might win some cherry-picked benchmarks, but their GPUs are basically expensive paperweights that cause more stutters than a nervous teenager asking someone to prom." The kicker? That 3% market share stat they pulled out of nowhere while conveniently ignoring that driver issues plague both AMD and NVIDIA. It's like watching someone with an Intel tattoo pretending to give unbiased advice. This is why we can't have nice things in tech journalism.

Finally, a mouse that won't overheat during those 8-hour debugging sessions! Noctua, the company famous for making PC cooling fans that look like they belong in a 1970s kitchen, has created the ultimate developer peripheral—a mouse with its own cooling system. Because nothing says "I'm serious about my code" like a peripheral that has more ventilation than my apartment. Next up: a water-cooled keyboard for when you're typing too furiously during code reviews.

Behold! The ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of modern gaming! 😱 Remember when Nvidia was that sweet company making graphics cards for us gamers? Well DARLING, those days are GONE! They've abandoned us faster than developers abandon projects after saying "it's almost done!" Now it's all "AI this" and "machine learning that" while PC gamers are left SCREAMING into the void! Your RTX 4090 costs more than your first car? Nvidia's response? ZEROOOOO! GPU prices making you consider selling a kidney? Nvidia cares? ABSOLUTELY ZERO! Meanwhile, their stock price is doing the cha-cha slide to the moon because AI companies are throwing BUCKETS of money at them! The betrayal! The drama! The GPU-shaped hole in our wallets!

Remember when NVIDIA politely asked you to upgrade your graphics card? Those were the days. Now they sit on their silicon throne, looking down at us mere mortals with contempt. "Buy our $2000 GPU or continue living in your pathetic low-polygon world, peasant." The transformation from humble tech company to aristocratic overlord is complete. And we just keep throwing money at them like the desperate frame-rate addicts we are.