Decided To Clean My PC Today

THE LAPTOP PROPHECY HAS SPOKEN! 🔮✨ Your company-issued laptop isn't just hardware—it's a CRYSTAL BALL revealing your entire career trajectory! Got a Dell? You're on THIN ICE, honey! Three strikes and you're updating your LinkedIn profile from a coffee shop. MacBook users? Sweetie, your job security is tied to venture capitalists in Patagonia vests. Sleep with one eye open! But if they hand you a Lenovo ThinkPad? Congratulations on your retirement plan! You've just entered corporate PURGATORY where you'll be maintaining legacy code until the heat death of the universe.

Remember when NVIDIA promised us RTX would revolutionize gaming? Fast forward to reality where we've gone from "RTX Hair" that just makes characters look like they haven't showered in weeks to "HairWorks" that completely overhauls physics but turns your $3000 GPU into a space heater. Meanwhile, the doge meme evolved from normal to buff while our framerates went from 60 to slideshow. Graphics cards marketing in a nutshell: "Sure, your game runs at 3 FPS now, but look at those gloriously realistic individual strands of greasy hair!"

The existential crisis of gaming hardware in one perfect meme! Valve's Steam Machine was that awkward teenager who couldn't decide what it wanted to be when it grew up. It had the power of a PC with the form factor of a console, leaving gamers scratching their heads like they just found a SQL query in a JavaScript file. The beauty of "use it as a pc, console, whatever you like" perfectly captures the product's identity crisis. It's like telling a developer they can use spaces OR tabs - a freedom nobody actually wanted. No wonder Steam Machines vanished faster than documentation in a rushed project.

Your computer is basically a supercomputer by 1990s standards - 32 cores, 32GB RAM, 2TB NVMe drive that could store the entire Library of Congress. Yet somehow Windows Explorer still takes 5 seconds to show you a right-click menu on a text file. The machine that could theoretically simulate nuclear explosions is brought to its knees by a context menu. The ultimate reminder that no matter how far technology advances, software will always find a way to waste every last resource you throw at it.

Oh. My. GOD. Someone has constructed the most MAGNIFICENT throne in existence using nothing but discarded keyboards! 👑 This is what happens when you hoard every single keyboard since 1997 instead of throwing them away "just in case." The Iron Throne? PLEASE. The Keyboard Throne reigns supreme in the Seven Kingdoms of Cubicle Land, where the one who sits upon it commands absolute power over the Git repository. Whoever occupies this monstrosity clearly has the authority to reject ALL pull requests without explanation. Bow down, peasants!

The ultimate programmer pickup line that actually works! Fixing printers is like the final boss of tech support—a nightmare realm where even seasoned developers fear to tread. When a programmer offers to fix your printer, that's not just flirting... that's basically a marriage proposal. Printer drivers exist in that special circle of hell where documentation goes to die and logic ceases to exist. The fact that he's willing to battle those cryptic error codes and mysterious paper jams? That's true love in binary form.