CPU Temperature: Journey To The Center Of The Sun

Remember when "NEVER OBSOLETE" was the biggest lie in tech marketing? This ancient relic from the early 2000s promised eternal relevance with its blazing 64MB RAM and mind-blowing 40X CD-ROM drive. Now it can barely run a Chrome tab, let alone Cyberpunk at 4K. That 667MHz processor would melt trying to render Keanu's first pixel. The irony of asking about Cyberpunk FPS on this fossil is like asking how many horsepower your horse has compared to a Tesla. Spoiler alert: the answer is somewhere between "absolutely none" and "it will catch fire trying."

When your GPU is sagging so hard it needs a support brace, but you're too broke for a proper bracket, so you just... braid the power cables into a structural support beam? This is the hardware equivalent of using duct tape to fix a production bug. The Radeon card is literally being held up by its own umbilical cord, fashioned into what looks like Rapunzel's hair after a bad day. Props for the craftsmanship though—that's a clean braid. But your GPU is now one sneeze away from ripping out the PCIe slot. This is what happens when you watch too many cable management tutorials and not enough structural engineering videos.

Back in the 60s, programmers were literally PUNCHING CODE into cards by hand! 🤯 The person in the image is holding up punch cards with the caption "COMPILERS TOOK MY JOB" - it's basically the original "robots are stealing our jobs" but for coding! Before compilers existed, humans had to manually convert code into machine-readable formats. Then BAM! Compilers showed up and were like "I got this" and an entire profession vanished faster than free pizza at a hackathon! Those punch card operators never saw it coming!

The classic SpongeBob meme format hits too close to home here! Big-budget AAA studios charging $90 for unoptimized resource hogs that somehow need a NASA supercomputer to run mediocre graphics, while indie devs create masterpieces for $10 that run smoothly on your grandma's laptop from 2012. For reference, a 5090 GPU would cost you a kidney (if it existed), and 32GB RAM is what some developers use just to run Chrome with their Stack Overflow tabs open. The optimization gap isn't about hardware limitations—it's about caring enough to write efficient code instead of assuming everyone will just upgrade their hardware. Stardew Valley was made by ONE person and runs on a potato, yet some AAA games stutter on a $3000 rig. Pure skill issue.

Ah, the eternal CS vs. Engineering rivalry. Patrick thinks he's found the perfect burn—CS majors are just programmers who run screaming at the mention of actual hardware. Meanwhile, the CS major is having an existential crisis at the mere utterance of "circuits" and "CPUs." As someone who once spent three hours debugging code only to realize my monitor wasn't plugged in properly, I feel personally attacked. Hardware is just software you can't Ctrl+Z when you break it.

That moment when someone learns you're in "computer science" and immediately assumes you're tech support. Sure, I can reverse a binary tree, implement a neural network, and debug race conditions, but no, I have absolutely no idea why your laptop makes that weird clicking sound. I mean, I could look at it, but that would set a dangerous precedent where I become everyone's personal Geek Squad. My algorithm for handling these requests is simple: blank stare, slight smirk, change subject.