5060 Day 1 Benchmarks With No Drivers

The eternal GPU pricing purgatory we're all trapped in. Every hardware cycle, that one friend swears prices will drop "soon" after the next release. Meanwhile, your wallet weeps as prices only climb higher while you're still running a 1060 from 2016 that sounds like a jet engine when you open Chrome. The tombstone for "GPU prices will settle soon" might as well be my desktop background at this point.

Ah, the irony of modern gaming. Your 3.30 GHz CPU is too powerful for a game that once ran on machines that couldn't even stream a cat GIF. Imagine having to sabotage your own hardware because some developer didn't account for the fact that computers have evolved since 1993. It's like buying a Ferrari and then removing the engine because the parking space is designed for a tricycle. The cherry on top is that 74.80 GB requirement - original DOOM fit on a few floppy disks, but now we need half a hard drive just to render the same demons in slightly higher resolution. Progress!

Ah yes, the ancient VGA connector - designed with thumb screws that nobody ever uses... until now. Someone's gone full MacGyver and used a VGA cable to hang their PC tower from the wall. That's what we call "hardware mounting" in the most literal sense. Saves desk space, doubles as modern art, and ensures your computer has excellent ventilation. Just don't tell your IT department - they'll either fire you or promote you on the spot.

Four guys staring silently at engine parts is exactly what happens when debugging assembly code. You squint at incomprehensible MOV, JMP, and ADD instructions, desperately hoping someone notices the register that's off by one bit. It's like trying to read a novel where every letter has been replaced with hieroglyphics, and the table of contents is written in hex. The only difference is that car engines occasionally make sense.

Revenge is a dish best served with administrative privileges. The IT guy didn't need to throw a punch - just removed the "i" key from the keyboard. Perfect digital karma! Next time someone messes with IT support, remember they control the literal keys to your productivity. And yes, technically that IS a white "i" that's missing, proving IT folks are both punny and petty in the most brilliant way possible.

Ah yes, the classic inventor's shortsightedness. Charles Babbage built the first mechanical computer but thought it was just a fancy calculator. Meanwhile, Carl Benz over there invented the automobile but probably figured it was just a horseless carriage for rich people. Both completely missed that they were fundamentally changing civilization. It's like inventing time travel and using it exclusively to make sure your coffee never gets cold. The real genius is often the second person who says "wait a minute..."