Executive Order

OMG, the ABSOLUTE DRAMA of open source developers! 💅 These magnificent creatures single-handedly maintain packages that literally keep the ENTIRE INTERNET functioning while surviving on nothing but cold pizza and gratitude! The rest of us mortals are just gently cradling them through digital space like the fragile heroes they are. Without them, we'd all be coding our own JSON parsers like BARBARIANS! Next time your project has 47,392 dependencies, remember there's probably just ONE sleep-deprived saint maintaining half of them for free while you complain about that one missing feature!

The telltale signs of AI assistance in your codebase are always there if you know where to look. Someone claims "Claude has been here," and the evidence? That cursed FINAL_SUMMARY.md file sitting in your repo root. It's like finding footprints in the snow - AI assistants and their weird habit of generating summary files nobody asked for. Eight PRs later and you're still finding random markdown files with perfect documentation that nobody on your team is skilled enough to have written.

The AI ethics bot just witnessed a child.kill() function and had a full-blown existential crisis. Classic case of "context matters" in programming. The bot's like "I can't assist with violence!" while the code's just handling thread management. Look at that beautiful irony - a recursively named AI refusing to help with perfectly innocent code because it contains a murder-sounding method. Six years of code reviews and I've never seen an AI clutch its digital pearls this hard.

THE ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL! 😱 Running git blame only to discover YOU were the monster all along! It's that soul-crushing moment when you dramatically unmask the villain responsible for that nightmare bug and—PLOT TWIST—it's just your past self staring back, silently judging your life choices. The digital equivalent of opening the fridge to find someone ate the last slice of pizza, and then remembering it was you at 3 AM. Self-sabotage has never been so perfectly documented!

Ah, the classic "end user meets GitHub" scenario! 😂 This poor soul wandered into the sacred lands of repositories expecting a simple download button, only to be greeted by the arcane scrolls of source code. It's like watching someone walk into a bakery and scream "WHY IS THERE FLOUR EVERYWHERE? JUST GIVE ME A CAKE!" The beautiful collision between non-technical users and developer platforms is pure chaos energy. Developers are sitting there like "but... but... the code IS the point..." while this person is having an existential meltdown over not finding an .exe file. The post being locked is the digital equivalent of "Sir, this is a Wendy's."

The greatest lie in modern development: "I think cursor fixed it, can I merge?" Followed by 875 replies of pure chaos as the entire team discovers that moving your cursor around does not, in fact, fix broken code. But hey, at least you've got 4 profile pics to choose from when you're inevitably assigned to fix the production fire that's about to start.