Time To Quit My Day Job

Behold, the cursed art of using eval() to concatenate strings as variable names, creating what is essentially the world's most horrifying key-value store. Instead of using blocks[blockId].x like a normal human being, this 11-year-old genius decided to dynamically construct variable names like "lev" + level + "block" + blockId + "x" and eval them into existence. It's like watching someone reinvent the wheel, except the wheel is square, on fire, and somehow still rolling. The sheer determination to check collision boundaries and directions by string-concatenating variable names together is both terrifying and oddly impressive. Every senior dev who sees this code feels a strange mix of horror and nostalgia, because let's be real—we've all written something equally cursed when we were young and didn't know better. The difference is most of us burned the evidence.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse: World of Warcraft, beige computer tower, Mountain Dew, and pepperoni pizza. Back when your biggest worry was whether your guild would show up for the raid, not whether your Docker container would deploy correctly. The "work from home" setup before it was mandatory – except you weren't working, you were grinding for epic gear while your parents yelled about the phone line being tied up. Twenty years later and I'm still staring at screens, drinking caffeine, and eating delivery food... just with better resolution and more expensive hardware.

Honey, the solo game dev experience isn't just a job—it's a FLAMING HELLSCAPE of existential torment! 🔥 There you sit, sipping coffee with a deranged smile while EVERYTHING BURNS AROUND YOU! Your code? BROKEN! Your confidence? SHATTERED! Your motivation? ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! And let's not forget that constant voice screaming "YOU'RE A FRAUD" while you pretend everything's fine! The audacity to sit there thinking "this is fine" when your entire game development career is literally engulfed in flames! But sure, sweetie. Keep drinking that coffee. I'm sure the fire will put ITSELF out! 💅

The bell curve of PC building wisdom! The 68% middle-of-the-road builders follow conventional airflow wisdom with intakes below GPU and exhausts at the top. Meanwhile, the 0.1% geniuses at both extremes have transcended to a zen-like state where "front intakes and back exhaust is all you need." It's the hardware equivalent of solving complex problems with elegant simplicity. The galaxy-brain move isn't adding 17 RGB fans that sound like a jet engine—it's understanding basic thermodynamics and not overthinking it. The true masters have circled back to first principles while everyone else is busy creating wind tunnels in their cases!

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of these tech giants! 😱 Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and Apple are all like "you will NOT have my data" while we're frantically scribbling our objections like some deranged privacy advocate. But then... BEHOLD! Gaben (aka Gabe Newell, the lord and savior of PC gaming and founder of Valve/Steam) appears, and suddenly we're all "TAKE MY DATA, TAKE MY WALLET, TAKE MY FIRSTBORN CHILD!" The hypocrisy is ASTRONOMICAL! We'll fight tooth and nail to keep our data from big tech, but the second Steam has a sale, we're throwing our credit cards at the screen faster than you can say "my poor bank account." The duality of geek-kind in its natural habitat!

The road to shipping a game is like that curved road sign that never actually curves. You're cruising along thinking "just one more feature" and somehow that finished game is perpetually around a corner that doesn't exist. Feature creep is the GPS that keeps recalculating to "5 more years away." Meanwhile your deadline passed three energy drinks ago and your team is surviving on pizza and broken dreams.